A Poem

Pride

I live for myself, I'm not alive

I am too selfish and have way too much pride

Don't tell me 'bout changing, or how to grow

Don't tell me 'bout God, I don't want to know

Alone let me be, and be it I will

for it's only my heart that I have to fulfill

Broken are you who can't live by your might

Selfish are you who don't choose to fight

for something I see rather than that which I feel

And broken I come before You to kneel

I give you my life, and live for you now

Lord I love you and to You I will bow

Show me to live- in You I abide

With my hope in You, God

I conquer my pride.

I wrote this poem a number of years ago when I was dealing with the war in me between what I wanted and what God wanted. There are two speakers on opposing sides to illustrate this gap in perspective. What the world says about dependance on God and what I wanted in my relationship with Him, I find are just as true now as they were then.
Prov. 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."
Mark 7:20-23 also speaks of pride, listing it as a thing that comes from within and defiles a person along with: evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, and foolishness.
1 Timothy 3:6 mentions that one who is "puffed up" with pride, falls into the same condemnation as the Devil! (for we know this was the very first sin that caused Satan to loose his place in Heaven)
And lastly, 1 John 2:15-17 says, "Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever."

The Big Bang theory works for me!

So, my little world view says life is good when life is easy. I love life to go smoothly. I pray for that , in fact. But lately, to no avail. I have decided that the big bang theory works in my own life. One minute eveything is chocoate cake and great, and the next, my entire miniscule universe is spinning out of control! I hate change! I have just come face to face with that monster in the dressing room, and for me, that's a very big deal! Currently life has been, should we say, a little upside down and I feel completely overwhelmed! "Oh, so wait. God, you mean I'm not in control? What?!" And I laugh in my frustration and ignorance and I want to cry about this wretched, helpless state.
Recently, as many of you know, Drake and I moved. This, I thought, would be great, and I was excited to be living with friends from church and it would be..... chocolate cake!
There was no cake in their kitchen. In fact, I got so frustrated one day that I cried because I couldn't find the stupid can opener!!! Yes, you can laugh. But it bothered me that I didn't know. (We all know that we all know everything, I know) BIG BANG! The realization that I don't know anything and have little control over many things began to sink in as I deal with my monster called change. Adapting at will is one thing, but forced change is quite another. And as you all know, people are stubborn. "God, are you trying to tell me something?" Kinda reminds me of the Isrealites...
So, I admit my faults, and with my husband's wonderful grace and patience, I am learning to like lumpy cake. It's not so bad at all! And through talking with my good friend Crys, God has helped me to realize that the hard times are the most important times. It's like a crisis- the more He can teach and the more I learn. When things are easy and smooth, you take things for granted, you pray less, you think you are in control! Here's what the moral of the story is:
Hard times almost always reveal one's own personal character. And change comes with time, but for me, first it comes with a big bang!

Please welcome me... I have arrived!

When I was born, I was a surprise! If I could talk, this is what I would have said "Please welcome me... I have arrived!" Well, it was 1981 and my momma was 7 months prego. I won't go into huge detail on everything, however, in short: my mother's doc was away and she got this terrible advice from doctor "Stupid". He figured that she was big enough and induced her labour, of course not realizing that there may have been and slight possibility that perhaps she could be carrying twins! So, there we were, Crystal first and everything was an uproar, because she was incredibly tiny (3 lbs, 5 oz)! But... 15 minutes later, Stupid says, "I think there's another one..." and SURPRISE! I was born (3 lbs, 1 oz).