March 18, 2009

... And life falls apart

So, today I had a hard day. And it is the cherry, it seems, on top of everything building and today it all tumbled down inside me. I feel like a failure. In my work, in life, in everything. I have such high expectations and so many things- ok let's face it: I want to be involved in everything. I have a hard time saying "no". I don't like being on the outside when it's something I care about. I sometimes, I care too much. But all I really need to care about is God. My service for Him, my devotion to Him, my heart- these should be my main concerns of life.
I care about people. I want to do my best with the children in my care. I want to build relationships with the youth and be available to them and a good example. I want to be a good friend, sister, wife, pastor's wife (and what that role brings). I want to be a good steward of my car, my house, my body and all the things I have. I want to have extra time just for me and time for fun things. I want to give. Too much. And because I spread myself out so thin (which I don't realize I'm doing), then I start to feel the pressure from all sides.
I would like to have time to read for fun and to organize photos. Why do people today need to be so crazy busy that they start a million things and never finish one! No wonder I hate deadlines! Pressure! PRESSURE! Ahhhhh!
Maybe tomorrow, it'll all be back in a proper view, but today, tonight it is all askew.

5 comments:

Stephanie said...

Aw Carmen, I believe I can relate to how you feel. I hope that tomorrow has indeed looked better for you. Sometimes, I find, we just need those moments of falling apart so we can see what we really have and what we really value in order to keep on the right path. Don't ever forget who you are in God - you are loved and you are cherished. And I think you are a pretty sweet person my dear! (if that counts at all!) Lean on God and lean on Drake - life is a dance that the three of you need to stick together in...

*hugs and prayers*
Love ya!
Steph

Carmen said...

Thanks Steph. You are a natural encourager, you know that? Strengthener..., enabler.. all those words.
Yeah, I have bounced back since. I'm not going to let it bother me long term. Each day is itown and God says that in his word- Let tomorrow day take care of itself, b/c each day has it's own troubles and worries. I just need to keep going back to Him for my strength and renewal of my spirit. :)

D said...

oh friend .... (hug)

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Hi Anonymous,
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