Unsure

I suppose it's time to write something- anything but I don't feel like I have all that much to say.  I don't want to write about stupid superficial things that no one cares about just for the sake of blabbering, but how much, how deep, how to organize thoughts that have enough meaning that they are important to hear and think on, but not so personal that I loose myself completely....  

I have been thinking about death.  Prompted in part by the recent events our family, our brothers and sisters, have faced in Edson with the tragic loss of their daughter, Emily.  This is where it began.  The rest of it comes from the planning I have to do in my job for next month which also includes Remembrance Day on Nov 11.  I find my mind is drawn to reading the words of Terry Stauffer's blog and to the words of the well-known poem, Flander's Fields.  

It is not morbid to think on death.  To reflect within yourself what that means to you.  To decide in your heart and mind how to face and deal with death.   It is not weak to learn how to heal and in fact it makes you stronger.  If one never contemplates death at all, then one has no idea how to respond to it.  Most people simply fear it and put it away in the back of their mind.  

But one cannot ignore something that is in the forefront of their mind.  One cannot escape neither, the reality that death will sooner or later take us all!  What are we doing with our time here?  Are we living while we are alive?  Are we appreciating the very fact that we have life?  Are we seeing God's goodness in it all?  I know some who are, through the very toughest times, they have their eyes focused and their ears attentive to what is really beyond our own reality.  Have you thought about that?

Life is initiated and orchestrated by God.  Death is initiated and orchestrated by God.  Does any of it matter?  Yes.  Is any of it in our control?  No, not at all.  He gives and He takes away.  What do we have to hang onto?  Not our own life.  Not our own stuff.  Not even those we love!   But if we have given our lives over to God, then how can we NOT trust Him with our friends' lives, our family's lives, our children's lives?  Life, though it is such an awesome miracle is so delicate and flimsy, so short, just a mist, a vapour...

So what do we live for while we are here?  What do we do during our time before we die?  Well, if you are not certain of where you are going after death, find that out first and foremost and secure it!  There is no good reason leaving this off until the end, b/c it is too important- it involves eternity!  Beyond this, each of us needs to find our purpose (or destiny, in a way) and live up to it.  We need to use what we have and make a meaningful impact on others around us.  We need to strive for what is right and defend those who need protection.  We need to feed those who are hungry.  We need to help and befriend those who are outcasts and lonely.  We need to build His kingdom!  Because that's what He asks of us.  Will you expect anything less from yourself?  I hope not.  Don't be weary of life- celebrate it and use it.  After all, is it not the greatest gift?

The Start of a Pastor's Wife

Well, This is actually not my official first post since I've been a pastor's wife, but it is close enough.  It has been interesting so far, even beginning back to the candidating weekend...  It's not just a job- it's a way of living and thinking.  It's being a shepherd.  It's having people in your home often, sometimes without warning.  It's having your husband go away to do this or that for a day or a weekend.  It's having lots of coffee and tea and getting to know people.  It's caring even when you don't know what to do or say.   It's listening when your brain hurts.  It's giving of yourself.  It's remembering meetings and dates and NAMES!  

Having said all that, so far, it's been great!  A little more responsibility in the church, a different kind of leadership that just comes with the title.  Just comes with being married to the one called Pastor.  Now he's the Associate Pastor, so the whole church doesn't rest on his shoulders and so far, he's liked it and he's done really well.  Of course, we are still just in the beginning.

The initial newness of it all has worn off though.  The people know you are here to stay and I'm wondering if I need to start trying harder now.  At the beginning you just go with it and accept everything that happens b/c you are so new and everyone is nice and friendly and inquisitive, wondering how you are doing and how you like it here and if you're getting settled.  

Don't get me wrong, I like the attention, but I have to admit that now that the dust has settled, I'm kinda lonely.  I'm kinda lacking purpose, just a bit.  I'm kinda stressed about my own job and life starting here.  I desire to have friends my own age (as much as I appreciate the youth coming over), women who are married and have no children like me, but is there anyone who fits that category?  Does a pastor's wife have real and proper relationships in the church, like the other women have?  Relationships that are both give and take?  Relationships that make you have fun but also keep you grounded?  Ones that keep you free from the stereotypes and boxes and pedestals?  Ones that make you feel accepted, only for who you are as a person and not who you're married to?  

But I suppose that if a pastor does have true and meaningful relationships that cover all these aspects, so then, does the pastor's wife.  Maybe it's just time for me to not think about myself so much.  I don't much like starting over though.  They say it takes 2 years after you move before you feel like you 'belong'.  I know I have to give it time, but I don't like feeling like an outsider.  Everyone already knows everyone and they have their favorite people and even leave a conversation with me to talk to them.  I'm not saying it's unfair.  I'm sure I've done it.  And everyone seems so busy, so when do you get together?  Maybe I need to work full time and then I won't have time to be at home in the middle of the day, wondering who might be free, but not calling anyone...  Some people  spend their whole lives separated (either by their own doing, or by society as a whole).  What does a 'normal' relationship look like anyways?  

And I suppose each person needs to decide for themselves where their "place in the world" is.  But our Lord says our place is in Heaven and that we are strangers and aliens in the world and that those who belong to the world belong to the Devil.  But can this apply in the church body?  Does it apply?  

I have no children, but I'm glad I have Drake.  I wonder too if people just have children b/c all of their friends have children and then your life just seems so much more important and meaningful b/c you are busy doing this and that and caring for them... Who really would want to miss the boat on that?  On purpose?  You get tired of just living so you add to your life so there's something new.  That's what parents spend their time talking about.  That's what grandparents spend their time talking about.  Otherwise, what would you do with yourself for for 40 or 60 years?  

Ok I think I am sounding cynical, but I'm not bitter or anything.  God blesses people in different ways.  He makes people grow in different ways and sometimes leads them places they don't want to go.  But it's His will, not ours.  I wanted to come here, we both did and now we are.  Thank you Lord!  He has blessed us in our own way.  I need to look and see all he goodness in my life.

The Prosperity Gospel

This is John Piper's take- and it's passionate for good reason:

Comments? Thoughts?

Favorite verse of the day

Today I was reading 2 Peter 1 (which i've been doing for a couple of days now), but only by small chunks, and I coincidentally  came upon one of my favorite verses!  Haha.  You would like to ask why I didn't know I was approaching it, since it's one of my favorites, but it is one of those that you forget about until you read it again, and then realize how true and wonderful it is.

3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

12I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. 13I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live ...15And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.
16We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. 17For he received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."[a] 18We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.

19And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. 20Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. 21For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit

 

The verse I am referring to is the latter half of 19, where it says- Pay attention to the word, as to a light shinning in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.  How incredibly important is this one short phrase!  I can't describe what it says to me, but it just gives me so much hope like I'm in on a secret that is so precious and strong and still and beautiful!  The concept really blows my mind and if I could paint, I'd paint what this looks like to me in my heart! 

Have you seen His divine power? (3)  Have you heard His very great and precious promises? (4)  Have you been able to participate in the divine nature and escape evil desires and corruption? (4)  

If you haven't, then the following verses may not mean much, but if you have, you may be in my place...

Am I trying to add all these good qualities to my faith? (5-7)  Am I being ineffective or unproductive? (8) Am I blind and have I forgotten all that God has saved me from? (9) Or am I making sure of my calling and election? (10)  Am I being reminded and am I firmly established in the truth? (12)  

But oh!  To see with our own eyes His majesty! (16)  To hear the voice of the Majestic Glory (who is the Father) on that mountain!  (17)  And lastly: to have the Word! (19)  To read, to listen, to hear and follow and be reminded of God's great glory and honour and our part in it!  If  I, by the Holy Spirit, spoke words from God, I too would want it to be like that light in a dark place, revealing love and truth and goodness.  Expelling evil and terror and loneliness and all dark things.  Why?  So that when the day dawns, the morning star will rise in the hearts of those who believe and are saved and have been looking toward the light and the glory in it, faithfully for all their days.  Who have acted in ways that are right and are led by the son of God himself- Jesus Christ!

I am getting too excited now and cannot therefore articulate myself properly.  Perhaps if one of you readers is touched by this same verse, then you can add your insightful comments better than I.  Either way, I hope this made a little sense and I hope that you all have a blessed day, even if the only edifying you got was reading God's Word- that is enough.

Breaking News on Facebook- with no details

I got a short message on Facebook 2 weeks ago from my beloved twin sister who wrote: "I'm engaged!!!!!!! Call me or email me back!!!"

And then, as both my other sister and I responded with shock and amazement, demanding details and waiting in suspense...... we never got any!

Gotta love that Facebook!  Everything is short and sweet, or short and crappy, or short and vague.... But what about the DETAILS?! 

I reminisce about a time when conversation was lengthy and meaningful and filled with words that made one alive in description and engaged as the two speakers almost became one in thought through the fullness of all the variety language holds.  

Luckily, one can still have this kind of fulfilling interaction on the phone!  And in person.  I have since found out the details in the squealed expression of excitement and joy and in the rapid blubbering of phrases that convey more than just a concept or thought, complete, might I add, with hand gestures and added body language.  

And my response did not include reading words on a screen, in silence with an expressionless face and no visible reaction. 

 It was just as animated as I expressed my joy for her and her new fiance and the future they will have together...  There is nothing quite like it.  This is the foundation of meaningful human relationship, in my opinion.  Sharing, laughing, enjoying.  And I am happy.  :)

Valentine's

So, I married a saint and revel in the continual and surprising love I am blessed with by him. We had our "Valentine's" night out Feb 12, since I worked the rest of the nights that week. It was great. I was secretly hoping that he would have something planned when I got off work, and when I got in the door and he said "Go get ready", I was like, "YES!!!" So, I showered and to speed up the process, he picked out my clothes (which I like when he does, so I don't have to stand there, trying to decide) and got ready. We left the house with toques and mitts and enjoyment in the air, not to mention, hungry stomachs!

We arrived at the Amuze Casual Dinning restaurant, which is on the third floor of an old building on Main St. and it has a pricey but really good and unusual menu. We took a table right beside the little fire place and warmed up while we looked at the menu. Finally, we had decided. He ordered Paella (a spanish dish of chicken, rice, shrimp, vegetables and sausage) and I ordered a half soup (which was Borscht), and a curry chicken sandwich. While we waited, we talked and I thought it was perfectly fun to be there and while scolding myself that I hadn't brought my camera, he admitted that he had! What a thoughtful man! Of course he would know that I wanted pictures of the evening! I was perfectly delighted that he had thought of it and proceeded to capture him (and he, me), and our surroundings, and the food when it came and while we ate. My sandwich came in a create-it-yourself style, so I had wedges of pita, a bed of various lettuce leaves, and a saucer in the middle with the flavored chicken mixture. Drake's came on a steaming hot skillet, all mixed together, so while I put mine together, we ate and we chatted and all of it tasted good. After we were finished, he paid and we followed the three flights of stairs down, back out to the cold again. However, when we reached the car, he informed me we were not driving.

So, he led and we walked only a block or so and arrived at Coffee Encounters for desert! Mmmmmm, I love desert! I had a hot chocolate and he had a brown sugar cinnamon latte, and we shared a piece of marble swirl cheesecake. It was fun. I asked him if we were going to play chess (since we do every time we're there), but since he knows I always loose and wanted me to enjoy myself, we didn't. We just sat and sipped our hot drinks and felt warm and lazy and tired and content. Well, he hadn't planned the rest of the night concretely, so he said I had a choice of four options, and I could pick one. So, after a hesitant moment (because I didn't want to miss out on anything good), I chose option #2. And he said ok. I was wondering what I had chosen, but he remained silent, letting me be surprised with the outcome.

Then he mentioned that we had some time before option 2, so we decided to go shopping a bit. We went to Superstore and I got some candles on clearance (yes I'm cheap, I know), but other than that we bought nothing. After browsing for a while longer, he said it was time to go, so we got back into the car and he drove us to the theater! When we pulled into the parking lot, I was suddenly so excited I had chosen #2 and with a big smile, asked what movie it was we were going to see. He responded with "27 Dresses" and I thought to myself, "what a great man I have, taking me to such a girlie movie!" He is always loving me like that- setting aside himself to make me feel special and loved. I had wanted to see this movie since the last time we had been at the theatre, so we bought our tickets, and though we were early, continued into the theater to take our seats. We were the first ones there and joked about making out (since we actually behaved ourselves when we were dating), but refrained, laughing. The previews began and others joined us to watch. The movie was good and we enjoyed it- enjoyed ourselves- and when it was over, we went home. And that's where this story ends....

"Pain is God's megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

Just sharing a devotion by Oswald Chambers that spoke to me...

February 14, 2008
The Discipline of Hearing

Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops —Matthew 10:27
Sometimes God puts us through the experience and discipline of darkness to teach us to hear and obey Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and God puts us into "the shadow of His hand" until we learn to hear Him (Isaiah 49:2 ). "Whatever I tell you in the dark. . ."— pay attention when God puts you into darkness, and keep your mouth closed while you are there. Are you in the dark right now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? If so, then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will speak while in the wrong mood— darkness is the time to listen. Don’t talk to other people about it; don’t read books to find out the reason for the darkness; just listen and obey. If you talk to other people, you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else once you are back in the light.

After every time of darkness, we should experience a mixture of delight and humiliation. If there is only delight, I question whether we have really heard God at all. We should experience delight for having heard God speak, but mostly humiliation for having taken so long to hear Him! Then we will exclaim, "How slow I have been to listen and understand what God has been telling me!" And yet God has been saying it for days and even weeks. But once you hear Him, He gives you the gift of humiliation, which brings a softness of heart— a gift that will always cause you to listen to God now.

There is hope in the Clouds

Well, I have to say that things are looking up ever so slightly- I had a hearing test last week and apparantly my hearing problem looks like it may be fixable! I am so excited and releived. What good news -(thank you Lord). I will be seeing my doctor on Feb 25 to find out more (since the hearing people faxed him the results), so either I may be getting hearing aids, or have surgery to correct it, we'll see. As far as the other frustration I had, there are no signs, positive or negative when it may change, so for now I will look toward the issue that is actually changing, until further developments. I'll keep you posted too... if anyone read this! haha