sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up

... And life falls apart

2009-03-18T22:13:00.002-06:00

So, today I had a hard day. And it is the cherry, it seems, on top of everything building and today it all tumbled down inside me. I feel like a failure. In my work, in life, in everything. I have such high expectations and so many things- ok let's face it: I want to be involved in everything. I have a hard time saying "no". I don't like being on the outside when it's something I care about. I sometimes, I care too much. But all I really need to care about is God. My service for Him, my devotion to Him, my heart- these should be my main concerns of life.

I care about people. I want to do my best with the children in my care. I want to build relationships with the youth and be available to them and a good example. I want to be a good friend, sister, wife, pastor's wife (and what that role brings). I want to be a good steward of my car, my house, my body and all the things I have. I want to have extra time just for me and time for fun things. I want to give. Too much. And because I spread myself out so thin (which I don't realize I'm doing), then I start to feel the pressure from all sides.

I would like to have time to read for fun and to organize photos. Why do people today need to be so crazy busy that they start a million things and never finish one! No wonder I hate deadlines! Pressure! PRESSURE! Ahhhhh!

Maybe tomorrow, it'll all be back in a proper view, but today, tonight it is all askew.

Good day, bad day

2009-01-28T20:57:00.008-07:00

Do you ever notice that when you have a bad day, something small or large always occurs that makes you a little thankful and in the end you can actually say that it was in some ways, a good day. Today was like that.

Yesterday Drake left for his Youth Pastor's retreat for 3 days and (completely unrelated) I felt like I was starting to get sick. Well, after I fell asleep with the absence of my usual cuddle, I woke up at 3am with a sore throat and completely dry mouth, not to mention a really stuffy nose. I downed some water I had by my bed and went back to sleep.

Then again at 6 am I actually got up and ran myself a bath. It helped and I fell asleep on and off in there until about 7:30 and then went back to bed until 9. This is when I slept through my alarm and phoned work right as I was supposed to be there to let them know I'd be late, but God granted me the day off and I got to stay home. :) First blessing.

Then I had a lunch date planned with a lady from church and we still met and had a good conversation. But in the middle of it, an older man walked up to me and handed me this picture he drew of me while I had been sitting there. Cool! A little weird, but cool.

So here it is and an actual pic of what I looked like today so

you can compare (since the sketch looks like a guy and not female) LOL. Also, after Kathryn and I finished our "date", she even took me to her house to get some salt for the sidewalk outside (since it's completely sheer ice!). What a blessing too!

I went home and read some OT Bible and then had a nap (I was feeling quite tired by now) and when I got up, I had supper and was able to Skype with my sis Candis in Singapore. :) All in all, an ok day.

Daycare War Wounds!

2009-01-02T18:46:00.005-07:00

So early December I realized just how DANGEROUS it is to work in a daycare! Haha Those little suckers have small but sharp little teeth. I received this bite while intervening in a situation between a one and a two year old. Well, at lest the other child didn't get bit and at least it didn't break the skin. It went away in a matter of days, so no harm done! :)

(And for your reassurance, when the offending child realized what they did- biting a teacher instead of another child, they looked pretty scared and knew it was wrong right away. Lesson learned)

Unsure

2008-10-13T00:34:00.003-06:00

I suppose it's time to write something- anything but I don't feel like I have all that much to say. I don't want to write about stupid superficial things that no one cares about just for the sake of blabbering, but how much, how deep, how to organize thoughts that have enough meaning that they are important to hear and think on, but not so personal that I loose myself completely....

I have been thinking about death. Prompted in part by the recent events our family, our brothers and sisters, have faced in Edson with the tragic loss of their daughter, Emily. This is where it began. The rest of it comes from the planning I have to do in my job for next month which also includes Remembrance Day on Nov 11. I find my mind is drawn to reading the words of Terry Stauffer's blog and to the words of the well-known poem, Flander's Fields.

It is not morbid to think on death. To reflect within yourself what that means to you. To decide in your heart and mind how to face and deal with death. It is not weak to learn how to heal and in fact it makes you stronger. If one never contemplates death at all, then one has no idea how to respond to it. Most people simply fear it and put it away in the back of their mind.

But one cannot ignore something that is in the forefront of their mind. One cannot escape neither, the reality that death will sooner or later take us all! What are we doing with our time here? Are we living while we are alive? Are we appreciating the very fact that we have life? Are we seeing God's goodness in it all? I know some who are, through the very toughest times, they have their eyes focused and their ears attentive to what is really beyond our own reality. Have you thought about that?

Life is initiated and orchestrated by God. Death is initiated and orchestrated by God. Does any of it matter? Yes. Is any of it in our control? No, not at all. He gives and He takes away. What do we have to hang onto? Not our own life. Not our own stuff. Not even those we love! But if we have given our lives over to God, then how can we NOT trust Him with our friends' lives, our family's lives, our children's lives? Life, though it is such an awesome miracle is so delicate and flimsy, so short, just a mist, a vapour...

So what do we live for while we are here? What do we do during our time before we die? Well, if you are not certain of where you are going after death, find that out first and foremost and secure it! There is no good reason leaving this off until the end, b/c it is too important- it involves eternity! Beyond this, each of us needs to find our purpose (or destiny, in a way) and live up to it. We need to use what we have and make a meaningful impact on others around us. We need to strive for what is right and defend those who need protection. We need to feed those who are hungry. We need to help and befriend those who are outcasts and lonely. We need to build His kingdom! Because that's what He asks of us. Will you expect anything less from yourself? I hope not. Don't be weary of life- celebrate it and use it. After all, is it not the greatest gift?

The Start of a Pastor's Wife

2008-08-03T20:54:00.002-06:00

Well, This is actually not my official first post since I've been a pastor's wife, but it is close enough. It has been interesting so far, even beginning back to the candidating weekend... It's not just a job- it's a way of living and thinking. It's being a shepherd. It's having people in your home often, sometimes without warning. It's having your husband go away to do this or that for a day or a weekend. It's having lots of coffee and tea and getting to know people. It's caring even when you don't know what to do or say. It's listening when your brain hurts. It's giving of yourself. It's remembering meetings and dates and NAMES!

Having said all that, so far, it's been great! A little more responsibility in the church, a different kind of leadership that just comes with the title. Just comes with being married to the one called Pastor. Now he's the Associate Pastor, so the whole church doesn't rest on his shoulders and so far, he's liked it and he's done really well. Of course, we are still just in the beginning.

The initial newness of it all has worn off though. The people know you are here to stay and I'm wondering if I need to start trying harder now. At the beginning you just go with it and accept everything that happens b/c you are so new and everyone is nice and friendly and inquisitive, wondering how you are doing and how you like it here and if you're getting settled.

Don't get me wrong, I like the attention, but I have to admit that now that the dust has settled, I'm kinda lonely. I'm kinda lacking purpose, just a bit. I'm kinda stressed about my own job and life starting here. I desire to have friends my own age (as much as I appreciate the youth coming over), women who are married and have no children like me, but is there anyone who fits that category? Does a pastor's wife have real and proper relationships in the church, like the other women have? Relationships that are both give and take? Relationships that make you have fun but also keep you grounded? Ones that keep you free from the stereotypes and boxes and pedestals? Ones that make you feel accepted, only for who you are as a person and not who you're married to?

But I suppose that if a pastor does have true and meaningful relationships that cover all these aspects, so then, does the pastor's wife. Maybe it's just time for me to not think about myself so much. I don't much like starting over though. They say it takes 2 years after you move before you feel like you 'belong'. I know I have to give it time, but I don't like feeling like an outsider. Everyone already knows everyone and they have their favorite people and even leave a conversation with me to talk to them. I'm not saying it's unfair. I'm sure I've done it. And everyone seems so busy, so when do you get together? Maybe I need to work full time and then I won't have time to be at home in the middle of the day, wondering who might be free, but not calling anyone... Some people spend their whole lives separated (either by their own doing, or by society as a whole). What does a 'normal' relationship look like anyways?

And I suppose each person needs to decide for themselves where their "place in the world" is. But our Lord says our place is in Heaven and that we are strangers and aliens in the world and that those who belong to the world belong to the Devil. But can this apply in the church body? Does it apply?

I have no children, but I'm glad I have Drake. I wonder too if people just have children b/c all of their friends have children and then your life just seems so much more important and meaningful b/c you are busy doing this and that and caring for them... Who really would want to miss the boat on that? On purpose? You get tired of just living so you add to your life so there's something new. That's what parents spend their time talking about. That's what grandparents spend their time talking about. Otherwise, what would you do with yourself for for 40 or 60 years?

Ok I think I am sounding cynical, but I'm not bitter or anything. God blesses people in different ways. He makes people grow in different ways and sometimes leads them places they don't want to go. But it's His will, not ours. I wanted to come here, we both did and now we are. Thank you Lord! He has blessed us in our own way. I need to look and see all he goodness in my life.

The Prosperity Gospel

2008-06-10T13:55:00.003-06:00

This is John Piper's take- and it's passionate for good reason:

Comments? Thoughts?

Favorite verse of the day

2008-05-13T13:49:00.007-06:00

Today I was reading 2 Peter 1 (which i've been doing for a couple of days now), but only by small chunks, and I coincidentally came upon one of my favorite verses! Haha. You would like to ask why I didn't know I was approaching it, since it's one of my favorites, but it is one of those that you forget about until you read it again, and then realize how true and wonderful it is.

3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

12I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. 13I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live ...15And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.
16We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. 17For he received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."[a] 18We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.

19And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. 20Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. 21For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit

The verse I am referring to is the latter half of 19, where it says- Pay attention to the word, as to a light shinning in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. How incredibly important is this one short phrase! I can't describe what it says to me, but it just gives me so much hope like I'm in on a secret that is so precious and strong and still and beautiful! The concept really blows my mind and if I could paint, I'd paint what this looks like to me in my heart!

Have you seen His divine power? (3) Have you heard His very great and precious promises? (4) Have you been able to participate in the divine nature and escape evil desires and corruption? (4)

If you haven't, then the following verses may not mean much, but if you have, you may be in my place...

Am I trying to add all these good qualities to my faith? (5-7) Am I being ineffective or unproductive? (8) Am I blind and have I forgotten all that God has saved me from? (9) Or am I making sure of my calling and election? (10) Am I being reminded and am I firmly established in the truth? (12)

But oh! To see with our own eyes His majesty! (16) To hear the voice of the Majestic Glory (who is the Father) on that mountain! (17) And lastly: to have the Word! (19) To read, to listen, to hear and follow and be reminded of God's great glory and honour and our part in it! If I, by the Holy Spirit, spoke words from God, I too would want it to be like that light in a dark place, revealing love and truth and goodness. Expelling evil and terror and loneliness and all dark things. Why? So that when the day dawns, the morning star will rise in the hearts of those who believe and are saved and have been looking toward the light and the glory in it, faithfully for all their days. Who have acted in ways that are right and are led by the son of God himself- Jesus Christ!

I am getting too excited now and cannot therefore articulate myself properly. Perhaps if one of you readers is touched by this same verse, then you can add your insightful comments better than I. Either way, I hope this made a little sense and I hope that you all have a blessed day, even if the only edifying you got was reading God's Word- that is enough.

Breaking News on Facebook- with no details

2008-05-13T13:09:00.004-06:00

I got a short message on Facebook 2 weeks ago from my beloved twin sister who wrote: "I'm engaged!!!!!!! Call me or email me back!!!"

And then, as both my other sister and I responded with shock and amazement, demanding details and waiting in suspense...... we never got any!

Gotta love that Facebook! Everything is short and sweet, or short and crappy, or short and vague.... But what about the DETAILS?!

I reminisce about a time when conversation was lengthy and meaningful and filled with words that made one alive in description and engaged as the two speakers almost became one in thought through the fullness of all the variety language holds.

Luckily, one can still have this kind of fulfilling interaction on the phone! And in person. I have since found out the details in the squealed expression of excitement and joy and in the rapid blubbering of phrases that convey more than just a concept or thought, complete, might I add, with hand gestures and added body language.

And my response did not include reading words on a screen, in silence with an expressionless face and no visible reaction.

It was just as animated as I expressed my joy for her and her new fiance and the future they will have together... There is nothing quite like it. This is the foundation of meaningful human relationship, in my opinion. Sharing, laughing, enjoying. And I am happy. :)

Valentine's

2008-02-16T15:29:00.001-07:00

So, I married a saint and revel in the continual and surprising love I am blessed with by him. We had our "Valentine's" night out Feb 12, since I worked the rest of the nights that week. It was great. I was secretly hoping that he would have something planned when I got off work, and when I got in the door and he said "Go get ready", I was like, "YES!!!" So, I showered and to speed up the process, he picked out my clothes (which I like when he does, so I don't have to stand there, trying to decide) and got ready. We left the house with toques and mitts and enjoyment in the air, not to mention, hungry stomachs!

We arrived at the Amuze Casual Dinning restaurant, which is on the third floor of an old building on Main St. and it has a pricey but really good and unusual menu. We took a table right beside the little fire place and warmed up while we looked at the menu. Finally, we had decided. He ordered Paella (a spanish dish of chicken, rice, shrimp, vegetables and sausage) and I ordered a half soup (which was Borscht), and a curry chicken sandwich. While we waited, we talked and I thought it was perfectly fun to be there and while scolding myself that I hadn't brought my camera, he admitted that he had! What a thoughtful man! Of course he would know that I wanted pictures of the evening! I was perfectly delighted that he had thought of it and proceeded to capture him (and he, me), and our surroundings, and the food when it came and while we ate. My sandwich came in a create-it-yourself style, so I had wedges of pita, a bed of various lettuce leaves, and a saucer in the middle with the flavored chicken mixture. Drake's came on a steaming hot skillet, all mixed together, so while I put mine together, we ate and we chatted and all of it tasted good. After we were finished, he paid and we followed the three flights of stairs down, back out to the cold again. However, when we reached the car, he informed me we were not driving.

So, he led and we walked only a block or so and arrived at Coffee Encounters for desert! Mmmmmm, I love desert! I had a hot chocolate and he had a brown sugar cinnamon latte, and we shared a piece of marble swirl cheesecake. It was fun. I asked him if we were going to play chess (since we do every time we're there), but since he knows I always loose and wanted me to enjoy myself, we didn't. We just sat and sipped our hot drinks and felt warm and lazy and tired and content. Well, he hadn't planned the rest of the night concretely, so he said I had a choice of four options, and I could pick one. So, after a hesitant moment (because I didn't want to miss out on anything good), I chose option #2. And he said ok. I was wondering what I had chosen, but he remained silent, letting me be surprised with the outcome.

Then he mentioned that we had some time before option 2, so we decided to go shopping a bit. We went to Superstore and I got some candles on clearance (yes I'm cheap, I know), but other than that we bought nothing. After browsing for a while longer, he said it was time to go, so we got back into the car and he drove us to the theater! When we pulled into the parking lot, I was suddenly so excited I had chosen #2 and with a big smile, asked what movie it was we were going to see. He responded with "27 Dresses" and I thought to myself, "what a great man I have, taking me to such a girlie movie!" He is always loving me like that- setting aside himself to make me feel special and loved. I had wanted to see this movie since the last time we had been at the theatre, so we bought our tickets, and though we were early, continued into the theater to take our seats. We were the first ones there and joked about making out (since we actually behaved ourselves when we were dating), but refrained, laughing. The previews began and others joined us to watch. The movie was good and we enjoyed it- enjoyed ourselves- and when it was over, we went home. And that's where this story ends....

"Pain is God's megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

2008-02-15T12:36:00.001-07:00

Just sharing a devotion by Oswald Chambers that spoke to me...

February 14, 2008
The Discipline of Hearing

Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops —Matthew 10:27
Sometimes God puts us through the experience and discipline of darkness to teach us to hear and obey Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and God puts us into "the shadow of His hand" until we learn to hear Him (Isaiah 49:2 ). "Whatever I tell you in the dark. . ."— pay attention when God puts you into darkness, and keep your mouth closed while you are there. Are you in the dark right now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? If so, then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will speak while in the wrong mood— darkness is the time to listen. Don’t talk to other people about it; don’t read books to find out the reason for the darkness; just listen and obey. If you talk to other people, you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else once you are back in the light.

After every time of darkness, we should experience a mixture of delight and humiliation. If there is only delight, I question whether we have really heard God at all. We should experience delight for having heard God speak, but mostly humiliation for having taken so long to hear Him! Then we will exclaim, "How slow I have been to listen and understand what God has been telling me!" And yet God has been saying it for days and even weeks. But once you hear Him, He gives you the gift of humiliation, which brings a softness of heart— a gift that will always cause you to listen to God now.

There is hope in the Clouds

2008-02-12T16:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to say that things are looking up ever so slightly- I had a hearing test last week and apparantly my hearing problem looks like it may be fixable! I am so excited and releived. What good news -(thank you Lord). I will be seeing my doctor on Feb 25 to find out more (since the hearing people faxed him the results), so either I may be getting hearing aids, or have surgery to correct it, we'll see. As far as the other frustration I had, there are no signs, positive or negative when it may change, so for now I will look toward the issue that is actually changing, until further developments. I'll keep you posted too... if anyone read this! haha

Just a Glimpse

2007-11-08T10:14:00.000-07:00

Today I got a glimpse of God, I think I'd have to say for the first time since we moved here. Pretty sad, I know. He told me three things. One: I am not surrendering to him, in fact, I am not even aware of my sins. Two: If I am not chasing after God, then I am cashing after everything else, and all that in vain (I am quite aware of this emptiness though). Three: This year is going to be a very hard one.
Since I'm not aware of my sins, I never even have conviction about them, but am quite aware of my emptiness, something has to change. But, I'm afraid I don't even know how to surrender to him anymore... But I don't want to be chasing after the wind either. I want God. Kinda. That has to change as well. This year, I hope I can come to the place where I begin really honestly seeking him again, and feeling his incredibly deep love. Something that so astounds and overwhelms with great joy, that you have no words to describe, but your heart is just very grateful. If I come to THAT place, then surrendering will not be hard. I will be able to give over my life and plans and dreams to him, because I will be in loving connection with him and trust His purpose and will for me. It will be better than my own, but right now, I don't see it. I don't know what it is, and I most likely don't trust (though I know I should). If I can learn to surrender and submit to Him again, then this year may not be as hard as it has to be... It is going to be hard because I am being quite stubborn right now and I don't know why.
I have two sources of frustration that I know God knows about, but will not change (at least not any time soon). The first is my lack of hearing, which has seemed like an immense curse since we came here, because I cannot hear simple sermons or testimonies given in class or in chapels and I can't even hear half the stuff that is said in class when I get to go with Drake. Don't even mention prayer times. Because public ones are so painfully frustrating to me, even my private prayer times lack. To me, public prayer times are only a waste of time and a great source of frustration and exertion of much focus and energy to no end. Even when I focus intently, I still can't follow other's prayers. I can't hear them when I put my hand to my ear, when I sit right beside them, when I turn and cock my head, when I stare at their lips, just to decipher any word I can. What's the point?
The second source of my frustration is a private one of waiting. How long, O Lord? To have a hope, a goal, something that will change who you are. Something you can't keep hoping if God won't allow it, but can you put aside such a desire and forget it altogether? Can you cease trying to accomplish it and still be at peace? You can focus your attention on something else, but only for a time. Then the painful reality sinks back in reminding you that God has withheld his blessing from you, and that you have absolutely no control over the matter. There are many things I want, but time stands still while I wait. Wait...
"Wait on the Lord", says the worship song this morning. "What do I have, if I don't have you Jesus", says another song. "Praise Adonai", rings another one. Will this empty darkness lift when I face my stubbornness and realize my sin and surrender to Him all these things? Will I feel his great love wash over me then or will I know, rather, the suffering of his punishment? Far have I gone astray. How do I get back? How long? Will I be able to sing these words and again mean them in my heart?

Embrace Your Season

2007-09-20T17:24:00.000-06:00

Embrace Your Season

This daily devotion really spoke to me. I have to be reminded of this. I hope it speaks to you as well. Blessings.

Today's Scripture
“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
God has ordained seasons in your life. It’s easy to get frustrated when our dreams aren’t coming to pass on our timetable. When that happens, we have to submit our plans to Him and trust that He has a better plan. Understand that in God’s Kingdom, every season is not harvest. There are plowing seasons. There are planting seasons. There are watering seasons. And sure, we would love for every season to be a time of increase, but without the other seasons, we wouldn’t be prepared. It’s during the plowing seasons when God’s bringing issues to light that we need to deal with. He’s getting us prepared for promotion. If you’re not making as much progress as you would like, the key is to not lose any ground. Don’t go backwards. Hold your position by keeping an attitude of faith and expectancy, even when it’s hard. Keep plowing by speaking the Word daily. As you do, you’ll pass the test, and God promises your due season is coming!

MADE BEAUTIFUL

2007-09-18T15:30:00.000-06:00

Today is made beautiful to me by the Lord, since he has helped my heart to see what my eyes did not. God is real and is actually in the world, working for his righteousness and glory! Not that he has to prove to me that he is, in fact, real, but that I need to be reminded of this over and over again…
I was reading 2 Peter today and the words came to life for me. I was just going to read a little, but I read the entire letter since I was drawn to it and the teaching stirred something in my heart that had not previously been there.
God is stirring in me a hunger for Himself that I have been so badly lacking and haven’t been reading my Bible for a long time. I am so incredibly hungry! And his truth is so poignant! His word really is a gem and this time, I understood every word (the Holy Spirit’s doing) and it was speaking to me!
To the believer, it says, “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.”
But I had forgotten, since verse 9 says, “But if anyone [has not added to their faith the qualities of goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and love] he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.” And 10 & 11 add, “Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make you’re calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
I hate to admit I have been quite nearsighted and blind lately. But I have already been transformed, made new, and I have not been living it. I have not been even grateful for Jesus cleansing blood, let alone practicing these qualities through faith. How miserable a discovery! Do I not have everything I need by his power? Do I not believe his wonderful promises? Am I escaping being corrupted by my own evil desires? Am I adding anything to my faith at all? But, God says more…
We are to pay attention, to be certain, “as to a light shinning in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in our hearts” (1:19)! Wow! A light shinning in a dark place… I want to be that light, but I want even more for the morning star to rise in my heart at the new dawn… The morning star is the sun, which gives life to the Earth and without it, our world would not survive. But, to men, the morning star is Christ, who gives life and whom we have total dependence on as well. Or do we?
The letter goes on to say that god did not spare the angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell. He didn’t spare the ancient world when he brought the flood on the ungodly, but spared Noah who preached righteousness, and seven others. He condemned Sodom & Gommorah, but rescued Lot who was a righteous man and was distressed by the filthy lives of the lawless people around him.
Then get this: “if this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment.” The Lord knows how to rescue me. Will I trust him? Or will I deny him?
The following verses speak of those who have left the straight way and wandered off to follow the way of wickedness, they who promise freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity – “for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him” (2:19) “If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the scared command that was passed on to them.” (20,21)
These are some strong words that must be considered in reflection with my own state and not taken lightly. They are to be dwelt upon, and answered honestly; otherwise I am only fooling myself, and still not escaping God’s judgment. But the following words come as an encouragement:
“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some would understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to parish, but everyone to come to repentance.” (3:8,9)
And I praise the Lord for his patience and though I have remembered that he is just, he is also merciful and is calling his children to himself. He wants each and every person to live, if they will just turn from their wickedness and belong to God. Thank you Lord for speaking to me today and showing me these truths. You truly are good.

Caronport life starts

2007-08-31T11:02:00.000-06:00

Well, we are in Caronport now and have been here for a week and 1/2 and life is different. Slower. Quite very slow. Time to think. Time to exercise. Time to pray. Time to got through stuff that's just been waiting to be gone through. Organize photos. Clean. It's like revamping my whole life!
And honestly, I don't know what to do. There's too much time! I'm gonna have to start working on me, because everything else is being taken care of. The one thing people avoid the most....

Love. In Secret.

2007-07-15T17:59:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been loved in secret? I don't mean having a crush on some bad boy that your parents hate and hiding it, I mean have you ever just been you, doing what you do, and find out later the extent someone or people have gone to, to show they care? Well, I have- let me explain. My mom and dad are pretty much the best parents on the planet (don't argue either- it's true) and I recently went home to visit and like always was supper excited to see my family again. The whole time was a blast and they paid for everything (as always- I don't even try to resist anymore ) ;-) They took me out for supper and to see a movie and we went camping and had BBQ's and bon fires and smores, etc, etc. And then the day came that I was to leave, and my dad asks where my car keys are, just to look over my car and top up fluids for the long drive home. Fine, cool. I gave him my keys and he did what he needed to and I was on my way. I get out of the driveway and notice my fuel is right full. "Hum, Drake must have filled it when we got here" (since we didn't use our car at all while we were there), I thought to myself (nope, I was wrong- guess who it was...). Then, I get just out of town and notice there's a tube of Lay's Stacks chips in my passenger seat. Now, I had bought this same kind earlier in the week, so I thought it was the empty one- until I picked it up and low and behold it is a brand new one full and unopened just for me! My dad had helped me to eat the other ones and felt bad and replaced the whole thing.
To me, it doesn't matter that it was $2, it was very thoughtful, and I smiled to myself knowing this was a thoughtful gift. Then, I got curious and opened my purse and pulled out my wallet. Something in the back of my mind made me wonder about my mother. She has become famous for sending us off with a wad of cash to pay for traveling expenses, or whatever we need or just a bonus no-reason-at-all-for-it gift of money! I remember the night before she said she needed to stop at the bank (even though there was nothing open to buy anything) and I got the idea then and told her I wasn't taking the money so don't think about sending it home with me. She acted all innocent like "what are you talking about" but I told her that money's not going back with me. Yeah, well, it may have worked out that way if I hadn't left my purse just sitting around right in the open for her to have full access. At that moment in the car, I found the wad of cash she stashed in my wallet and I shook my head in admiration. Oh mom.
The extent some people go to love you makes you feel even more loved than Christmas!!!! At least on Christmas day, you are expecting all these great new things, but when there's no reason at all for a gift and you get one anyways, it blows me away! Love in secret. That's what God does too. Why do you ever wonder why you can't tell someone how God has loved you? Because often have no evidence of proof to show for it, He just loves you. He cares for you and shows it. He speaks loving words into you and you cherish them forever. He changes you and your life in such small, but significant ways, you can't help but know that He really deeply cares, just like my parents do. They want the best for me. So does God. They want to bless me. So does God. They have loved me from the moment I was born- God loved me before even then! The Bible says that when you do something special for someone, when you give," do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret." That way, you're not elevating yourself to get recognition for it, you're giving just to give from your heart. And the very next verse says "Then your Father, who sees what is done is secret, will reward you." (Matt 6:3, 4) Love in secret. If you let the secret out, you ruin such an important element. Keep it a secret.
I encourage you to actually try this. Find someone you know who you could do a secret act of love for, and don't tell anyone. Then wait and see how they tell everyone for you and you can smile to yourself knowing it was a success and they will beam with gratefulness or excitement because of what was done for them and they have no idea why or who or how, they just know they are loved! It's as simple as that!
Thanks mom and dad for scheming to show me how much you love me. I couldn't feel more loved! (and that's the truth)

I finally did it

2007-06-20T21:54:00.000-06:00

yes that's right, you heard-
I finally parted with my 15 year love and sold my trumpet today.
Kinda sad, but kinda good. Our relationship had more recently been marked with neglect, than anything else, so now it has a good new home and lots of attention! Thank you Wade for taking it off my hands (though I will miss it and all the memories) and for making my pocket just a little fatter in the process. ;-)
I bid you farewell, my trumpet. You have been good to me. Sniff, sniff.

Love One Another

2007-06-18T21:09:00.000-06:00

'Love One Another'

". . . add to your . . . brotherly kindness love" —2 Peter 1:5, 7

"Love is an indefinite thing to most of us; we don’t know what we mean when we talk about love. Love is the loftiest preference of one person for another, and spiritually Jesus demands that this sovereign preference be for Himself (see Luke 14:26 ). Initially, when "the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit" ( Romans 5:5 ), it is easy to put Jesus first. But then we must practice the things mentioned in 2 Peter 1 to see them worked out in our lives.
The first thing God does is forcibly remove any insincerity, pride, and vanity from my life. And the Holy Spirit reveals to me that God loved me not because I was lovable, but because it was His nature to do so. Now He commands me to show the same love to others by saying, ". . . love one another as I have loved you" ( John 15:12 ). He is saying, "I will bring a number of people around you whom you cannot respect, but you must exhibit My love to them, just as I have exhibited it to you." This kind of love is not a patronizing love for the unlovable— it is His love, and it will not be evidenced in us overnight. Some of us may have tried to force it, but we were soon tired and frustrated.
"The Lord . . . is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish . . ." ( 2 Peter 3:9 ). I should look within and remember how wonderfully He has dealt with me. The knowledge that God has loved me beyond all limits will compel me to go into the world to love others in the same way. I may get irritated because I have to live with an unusually difficult person. But just think how disagreeable I have been with God! Am I prepared to be identified so closely with the Lord Jesus that His life and His sweetness will be continually poured out through Me? Neither natural love nor God’s divine love will remain and grow in me unless it is nurtured. Love is spontaneous, but it has to be maintained through discipline."
- Oswald Chambers

This was my devotion on May 11, and have only now got to post it. I have been mulling over these concepts because they are so profound and have been waiting, in a sense, to have something profound to say in reply. However, it is no so. All I can say is that it is so true and it pierces my heart, and I know what I should do with it, but probably won't. I guess I'll just have to keep reading it over and again until that one thing further changes in me.

YC 2007!!!!

2007-05-29T22:00:00.001-06:00

Well, it was awesome to say the least and it was exactly what I needed (in fact, a number of people we went with have said that same thing). God works. God cares. God is bigger than we think- bigger than we give him credit for. I know I will never remember all of the words said this past weekend- but one thing resounds and it said something like don't let the facts of life rule over the truth in your life. Ei: you could be having a really hard time, so the fact is that life sucks right now. But the truth is, God is with you and loves you through it. Fact is you may be hurting, but the truth is that God not only feels your pain, but heals it too. Or, you may think you have life under control but the truth is that God is the one in control of all things. I don't know if this makes sense to you, my readers, but it made sense to me. I need to remind myself of the truth and live by that, not by the facts surrounding me in my situation. And I need to remember that God loves us close. He loves us deeply.

There was a story told about a baby and how everyone loves babies b/c they are so cute, until they get stinky and then people are revolted and hand them back to their mothers, but the mothers don't hold them at a distance and try to love them from there, they hold their babies close and cuddle them and love them and change them when they need it. And the best part of the story is the revelation behind it because God does the same thing with us. People try to grade sin and like to be with people who are pleasant and "clean", etc. but they create some distance for themselves when they see the true sin behind people and maybe their bad habits, but God loves the same. It doesn't matter what your past sins are or how dirty you think you are, God will Not hold you at a distance. He holds you close, because he longs to love you deeply, like the mother with her child.

Oh, and during the course of the weekend, I am very happy to share that I had the privilege of sponsoring a Compassion Child. It is a great story because I had wanted to since Jan, but had to look at finances, etc and never got to and had forgotten about it until I was reminded this weekend out of the blue! And I wanted it to be a girl, but they did it during the huge conference, so instead of each person getting up and going to get one, they just handed them out to those who were interested and I had my hand up and as I waited for the one to be passed to me, I prayed to God that it would be a girl (since Drake already has a boy) and then I prayed that whatever child I got I would sponsor, no matter if it was a boy or girl, and when I got mine, it was a girl! Thank you Lord! Her name is Yerlin and she is from Colombia and she is 8. I am very excited to have this opportunity to enhance her life and can't wait to send her letters and receive hers as well.

What else? The girls are all crazy and barely slept and we almost lost our voices from screaming during all the concerts. We went to West Ed, and just had lots of fun in general! On the way home it was "Down By the Bay" for about 2 hours! Everyone just felt the need to sing! Thank you God for all that you did this weekend, whether we can see it now or not. You work in our hearts and I am thankful for that. May we remember your greatness as we live out our daily lives.

the Valley

2007-05-19T16:54:00.000-06:00

There's a really great song that I've liked for a long time, but now it talks to me in a new way. It goes like this:

The Pathway is broken and the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to

'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never be alone

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley, if You want me to

I'm in that valley right now, but not so much with a willing heart. Life sucks. I still want God but I'm afraid of him and I am resentful and incredibly lazy and apathetic and have, I guess, crawled into my shell to block all other things out so that I can wallow in self pity. Or something. I feel such an incredible void and I don't like my life right now and I don't like who I am and I am tired and feel so alone. So empty. Even neglected. And all because I've neglected God, of course. Why, how can one not pay for their own sin? I've forgotten how to pray- for myself and for others. And I wonder, does anyone pray for me? I know, that's a rather selfish thought, but I've thought it.

And then there's other songs like "I surrender All"

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down, for the sake of You, my King
I'm giving You my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride, for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to You, all to You
And I surrender all to You, all to You

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You, and the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

And I surrender all to You, all to You
And I surrender all to You, all to You

and "I will give you rest"

To all who are weary and those who are heavy laiden
Lay at the feet of the one who knows you best
Bring all of your trials and all of your tribulations
Come unto me and I will give you rest I will give you rest,

I will give you rest
I wil give you rest

I take my yoke upon you, come and learn from me
For I am humble in Spirit, and so you must also be
You know I will be with you in the midst of every test
If you call unto me, I will give you rest

I will give you rest,
I will give you rest,
I will give you rest

And I want His rest and peace and I want to surrender, if that means I can have these good things, but I don't want it to be hard and I don't want to feel rejected. 'What ifs' run through my mind- what if God doesn't anwser? Am I holding onto a false hope and do I fear that my life will not change? Will He deny me the things I really want in life- that it seems I've been waiting for forever to have and do and be because I want them more? More than everything else. And what if when I do recieve these things I have really hoped for and looked forward to, that they turn out to be much different in reality? What if I realize I don't want them, because they were better in my imagination? Is that possible? It just feels like I'm stuck in this transition with no purpose, waiting for my life to really begin, waiting to actually serve (like I haven't been!), to finish growing up, to have my own house to live in, to have my own children and be the mother I want to be, to actually do something than simply jump from job to job just to pay bills. Meaningless! I say to myself, and yet the part of me that still holds a hope does hope that at each place I'll be a light of some sort for the Spirit of God to shine and that He and His truth will be revealed.

I am guided too much by emotions. Too many distrations. Too many obligations. Not enough feeding into my own soul- where does my strength come from, and where do I go to be refilled rejuvinated? The Psalms, I know have the answer to that. Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life". Psalm 28 says, "To you I call, O Lord my rock; do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit. Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help, as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Palce... The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. The Lord is the strength of his people..."

It Is Finished!

2007-05-18T16:08:00.000-06:00

Well, August 18 and the following days were spent in travel back to Canada, so there are no more journal entries for me to share with you. It is finished! Hope you enjoyed taking the trip with me! I guess now onto current life.... ;)

Peru, August 17- Part II

2007-05-16T17:54:00.000-06:00

"On our way back down to the bus, there were many Peruvians on the side of the road like a market selling stuff. I hurried to the bus and sat on my cold, bare legs & Greg had bought a scarf for him mom that I borrowed & wrapped around my legs. That kept me from shivering drastically on the way home, but as soon as we got back to the Monastery, I changed! I put on 2 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of socks, my runners, a shirt & sweatshirt & my coat if I can remember accurately. I wasn't going to be cold any longer!

"We had supper late that night b/c Owen, Liz & Ann had gone to Machu Picchu since they were sick the day before and were to return at 8pm? (I think) So, a couple of us went last minute shopping before supper- I was with Kirk- and I tried desperately to find another painting like the one I had purchased days before, but no one had what I wanted. Oh well...

"...we returned to meet the group for supper & went to this amazing Spanish restaurant for our very last meal at Cuzco. It was wonderful! Apart from being at 3 or 4 different tables throughout the restaurant, we really enjoyed it. I was upstairs in a balcony area with Hose Carlos, Sari, Tyler, Tanya, & Liliana (I think) and we enjoyed looking over the banner at the band & dancers below. That's right! There was a live Peruvian band (5 guys) and 2 male and 2 female dancers in wonderfully decorative & colorful costumes and we watched them almost all night. The band did very well and there was one guy playing one of those pipe flute things and he was really good at it. I was really impressed, because you still need to breathe at some point too and he could change notes very quickly and play for a considerable length of time before a break. Sometimes, he even added a second one in front of it and blew down both of them!

"The dancers were very cool to watch and after one song, the 2 ladies went off and the 2 men picked 2 women from the audience & they danced for a song! I was quite surprised to see this b/c if we were in North America, most people would be very resistant to just getting up & dancing in front of everyone else, but not there! They seemed to really enjoy themselves , but the song seemed quite long at the same time.

I had cream of chicken soup & that was it, but it was really good. The two best kinds of pop are Fanta and Inca Cola, of course.

"After supper, we all went back and had a devotional and then went to bed! The devotional was in our room (me, Liliana, Tanya & Sari) and I seriously got nothing out of it b/c I was so tired. I was trying hard to fight it, but my eyes were so heavy and I kept drifting off. Finally we were done and could go to bed, but I had told Sari I would braid her hair, so she went for a shower & I said I was just going to lay down until she was ready, but when I awoke, she was in bed & all the girls were with the lights off, so I changed my clothes & went to sleep too. Thank- you Lord for sleep!"

Peru, August 17- Part 1

2007-05-11T21:13:00.000-06:00

"Nothing was planned today until a Cusco & surrounding area tour at about 2pm so I was very excited about sleeping in. I think it may have been about 10:30 when we went to sleep and I was awake this morning at 7:30! Ah! I guess that's sleeping in when you've been getting up at 4! Ha ha! I just missed a bunch of people going out for breakfast when I came out of my room at 8am. Tyler & Andrew were already up too and we waited until about about 9 for Tanya, Sari & Liliana to be ready. Then we all went shopping!

"We chose not to go back to the Plaza De Arams, so we went the opposite way to another market we had heard of. We finally found it & had a great time shopping, but I couldn't for the life of me find a place to exchange my money. I still had $62 and wanted it in soles, but it just wasn't happening. The other night I had tried to change it over too but Kirk decided we needed to leave before I could b/c he didn't feel right about the men in there. Fair enough. So we played musical money & I owed Sari & I owed Liliana & she owed me and Tyler owed Andrew, etc! We all bought some things & then stopped for lunch & went back to meet with everyone else for our tour. I had a cheeseburger for lunch & it was real good- lots of cheese! Tanya ordered a hot dog & it came sliced up long- ways on a croissant. The rest had pizza & again, we had leftovers & gave it away (to the same girl from the day before!) It had gotten warm out so after lunch before we left, I changed into my new skirt & sandalls with a shirt & sweater and thought it was great. I later learned what a mistake that was!

"Our tour began just around the corner from the Monastery at the Catholic Cathedral. It was pretty impressive in there with all the gold & silver crafted so intricately & wood as well. There were also huge oil paintings that sometimes spanned an entire wall! Some of them were probably 60 feet high! (if not more) Our tour guide spoke a lot and I should have been interested (like Chris Nichol was) in the history of the Spanish coming and forcing their religion on the native Peruvians. The Catholicism & of course worship of Mary (who the Incas learned to worship as the Mother Earth) was somewhat disturbing & rightly so. They had statue upon statue of the crucified Christ, some covered in blood, some with a large cultured skirt on down to his knees; even one where Jesus' skin was black in color. Wow! Very diverse, and pretty neat to look at.

"After the cathedral we went outside of Cusco to about 3 different sites where more stone brick formations were found. They were pretty cool, but the same as Machu Picchu. After a while, I started to get cold and then colder & colder & became quite uncomfortable. At the last stop, I said I was going to stay in the bus, but slowly everyone else got out and I thought if I was the only one left, I bus driver may ask me to get off too and I couldn't argue with him in Spanish, so I willingly went & walked quite fast up to our destination. The other ones had been cool, though, even using some large, unsculpted rocks and one was in the middle of an outdoor meeting place, squared around with a low block wall-fence and the large half circle wall facing it had large seats built into the stone wall for a douzen or more people to sit, evenly spaced, facing this large, uncut stone. At other places, there seemed to be images in the walls when you combined the shapes of many blocks. At one point, our guide pointed out a "snake " starting at the tail & following it around to the head. Then, he showed us a llama, throwing pebbles at the higher blocks (ears, head) and then pointing out the body & legs & lastly the tail. It was pretty impressive!

"The last stop, though, was the coolest, so I was glad that I had went to see and not stayed on the bus, despite the fact that I was freezing. It was like a fertility temple but you couldn't go into it, you just looked at it from the one side and you could drink the water (as the legend went) and have the chance of having twins! It was pretty cool, and to this day, they don't understand how the Incas got the water to flow out of the front in two small waterfalls and into a pool at the bottom. They know there was a spring or water source about 2km away, but have found no irrigation system to bring the water this far. Even if the Incas got the water to travel underground, they are still baffled as to how. And our guide added that the rate of waterflow at this Temple never changes- it remains constant from the dry season to the rainy season- it always comes out at the same speed, same pressure. Bizzare, huh? These amazing people sure accomplished a lot in only 500 years!

Peru, August 16- Part III

2007-05-07T10:36:00.000-06:00

We got back to Cuzco at about 6:30pm and Owen had a great idea for everyone to buy some food (like 3 or 4 meals) to give away to the street people as an act of kindness and a good experience too. Everyone thought that was a great idea & me, Owen, Kirk, & Liz, & Anton went in a group.

Owen arranged 3 hot meals from one place & we handed them out- the first one to a young lady who had been crying and she looked very hungry (making a motion to her mouth with her hand). She wanted and was asking for something to eat just as Kirk lowered his warm plate to give to her. She was thankful & we said "Jesus te ama" & continued on. (I handed mine out but I don't remember to whom) And we also bought 3 meat sticks (that's what I call them). They are cow heart shishkabobs with a potato on the top & are cooked by other street vendors on BBQ-like things with an open flame & grill. These we wanted to give to children & succeeded. One Anton gave to a young child on a mother's back (who also got a plate of food) and another he gave to a boy who was curled up sleeping in a large "shelf" in the stone wall down one street. The boy was thankful to have the food. And each time, we told them "God bless you" or "Jesus loves you".

After all our food was gone, Owen had to meet Ann, so the rest of us decided to go eat b/c we were hungry too! We picked a fairly nice restaurant & sat upstairs. The waitress seemed extremely busy & was hurrying & her forehead was glistening with sweat but she was polite & patient when we were trying to communicate what we wanted using both English and Spanish. We finally got our food (I had ravioli with meat sauce- it seemed to have something like cheese and spinach inside) and it was good. I had only eaten about half of it though and was stuffed! I was learning that in Cusco, you really don't need to eat that much. It's weird. You don't feel hungry barely at all and if you do, it doesn't take much to feel full again. It must be because of the altitude. You can make yourself sick if you eat too much- that's what Jim warned us about.

We paid & Kirk & Liz went back to the monastery where we were staying & Anton and I decided to keep going. He wanted to buy more food to gave away, so we did! First, I gave away the rest of my pasta dish & then we went to a grocery store & bought 3 yogurts & a whole bunch of cookie/cracker things. Anton went all out & had about 8-10 packs with like 6 packs in each of 6 crackers, but he thought that was pretty good- only paying 30-40 soles for it all (which is only $10-13) and we went around looking for people to give it to. I thought it was going pretty well until, after seeing us hand out food to someone on the street, 2 girls came up to me begging me for food too. I instinctively said no to them (about 12-14 yrs?) and told them they were fine b/c I wanted to give it to the really needy people & these girls had clean clothes on & were walking around able to work, but they said, "No, not fine" and followed me explaining in broken English that they had made no sales that day b/c the police took away their finger puppets they were selling. I thought it was a bit ironic b/c they shouldn't be doing it against the police, but then thought that could be their only way of making some kind of money, but my thoughts were cut off by their insistent pleading and I told them, "Ok, just one (uno)" and pulled one pack of flavoured cookie/crackers from my bag. I handed it to the older girl and said they had to share but the other girl said "No, not share." But I said yes and walked away (catching up to Anton again).

(this is not the actual girl, this is another "finger puppet" girl)

Afterward, I felt bad about that situation b/c we headed back to the monastery & I had one pack left in my bag and found no one else to give it to. I thought about the 2 girls & knew I could have given them each one, but why didn't I? I realized & admitted to myself that the only reason I even gave them one was to get them off my back b/c they were hounding me & I didn't like that. I felt pressured and I shouldn't have acted like that.

Spirit, please work in me. Help me to be more sensitive to your leading . More discerning in hard situations so I can act appropriately & lovingly. I want to be like Rob & Anton and am greatly encouraged by the way they love others. Help me to learn & grow, Lord, that I may do your will always. Amen.

But I have to say that while all this was going on, it was raining pretty good & the streets were flooded trying to drain, so Anton & I returned quite wet and when we got back, not everyone had returned (as they were supposed to by 9:30) and Sari, Hose, Tyler? & some others were there waiting (in a lounge in the hallway) for the person who had the key to their room. Anton & I joined them since neither of us had a key either and we all waited. Tired &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp; wet & cold & bored (b/c you can't make any noise otherwise it resonates very loudly in the hallway and disturbs everyone else).

Finally, the stragglers with keys arrived & we were all happy to change out of our wet clothes & get warm again. We met again that night & had devotions (Hose did it) and I shared Isaiah 55 with the rest of the team since it was in my encouragement book & I really found it appropriate. It said for the hungry & weary to go to God & he would feed them. Come without money & I will give you food & drink, and I thought of the valley people. Toward the end it said that God's work will be done and nothing he sends out to complete will come back empty or fruitless. I was very encouraged by that because that is one of the things our team wanted, so I hope they were encouraged. And (it also said) the desert would be replaced by lush plants & the hills of the mountains will echo God's praise & shout aloud & the trees will clap their hands, and I just saw a vision of new love & new life & revival & I really, literally want to see that happen. That you God, that your thoughts are higher than my thoughts & your plans, my plans. You are so good! Amen.

Peru, August 16- Part II

2007-04-17T22:10:00.000-06:00

"We were panting just climbing up the steps leading to the "top", but once we were there, wow, the view! It was absolutely astounding! Lord! You are still more amazing than I imagine! There are no words to describe! ... but the surrounding mountain & hills were just... amazing, some looking close enough, you could simply jump from peak to peak; others simply a blue- green haze in the distance. One, you couldn't see the peak of; for clouds were sitting on it and it honestly seemed to touch the sky. Lord, if I were you, I'd live here! I describe the hillsides as covered with green carpet- they looked like fuzzy broccoli in the distance. How amazing!

"And the ruins. Well, they surrounded not just the top of the mountain, but crept down the steep slopes, magically, yet boldly solid. Walking along the path, you notice every rock that was laid. They had the main path they called the "Inca Trail" which has remained for centuries and is still fully functional. It goes for a very long way, up the next mountain peak over. We didn't travel that one; we followed our guide now down the path toward the city itself. He had a strong accent, but spoke English surprisingly well. And he told of the history of the Incas & their way of life, etc. He seemed to be quite proud of them (and perhaps is partly that people himself & therefore has a strong pride in his heritage). They only reigned for about 500 years until the Spanish conquered them.

The city itself housed about 1000 people (only men and women, no children) said our guide, b/c no bones/skeletons/remains were found of people that young. It was very interesting walking among all the stones, so carefully hand- crafted, chiseled & designed to fit perfectly... into the other ones around it. Some stones had like 18 sides! Some stones were very small, but even those ones must have been heavy enough to move. The large ones would have been excruciating to move!

"The guide took us all to the most important spots- this large room was for certain meetings or ceremonies; this one would have been for games/sports (like a large courtyard); this would have been living quarters for 3 people, etc. They have some stones carved for very specific purposes (like one where each side pointed to each direction- north, east, south, west) and they used the sun to measure many things (b/c they worshipped the sun) and they had some rooms built exactly with windows or small round holes that if the light came directly through & hit this spot on another rock, that meant it was the first day of the new year, or it was the day of ceremonial sacrifice to keep the sun from going any farther away. Very, very interesting. They also had an impressive irrigation system for water and had many troughs that went along the ground between ways (probably to feed livestock) and also under & through some rocks, falling like small waterfalls into pool-like basins in the floor. From there, they would flow somewhere else.

In many of the walls, there were large shapes that indented as to make a shelf to put things on. These were almost certainly for idols to sit and they would commonly have four of these on a long wall, so you could have 10- 20 idols surrounding you in each room. Our guide explained that mostly royalty would have dwelt at Machu Picchu (Old Mountain) and they even had one room where all the royalty would sit in a row and look out facing the people (for there was no wall in front of them, only behind and beside) and there was water running by with a flat "table" that may have been for sacrifices. The "shelves" in the walls here may have been for the royalties' crowns. It was pretty cool. Our guide also explained that these were a very peaceful people who always worked together in harmony to create their own utopia. But then he added that they drank a lot and were always drunk & happy. Some things he said seemed unlikely or to contradict, but he was telling a story of what he knew & probably most of it was correct or applicable in some way. (Oh, and by the way, half way through the tour the sun came out very brightly & I got burnt! The back of my neck has been sore for 3 days- should have put on sunscreen!)

"When he was done the actual instruction part of the tour, he left us alone to wander & explore or sit & relax for a while & then we had to make our way back up, up, up to the station where the buses were. Liliana & I went together & explored a little more (there were even some caves where riches would have been hid/stored or places for the royal mummies to be put) and worked our way back through the center of the city & up all the steps back to the height we first started at. As we climbed, we started to get quite tired, so we stopped on one flight of stairs (about 3/4 to the top) and I said to Liliana "We're almost there" and an older woman (maybe 65) & her daughter (maybe 40) had come around the corner and, hearing me, the older woman replied, "No you're not." Surprised & humoured I started smiling and admitted, "You're right. We're not." b/c we had a long way to walk yet until we really could call it the "the top"! We talked a little & found out it was their 2nd day there & the older woman had her walking stick and declared it was good for you- good for your heart. And I agreed since she should know! We parted & went on our ways, and Liliana & I laughed at that humorous encounter.

"But somewhere along our going up, up, up, we missed the sign for the exit and found ourselves on the Inca Trail and Liliana looked down and pointed "Oh no!" and there were all the buses & the station roofs below us! Oh no was right! We had gone past our destination & only had 4 more minutes to get to our bus- time was up! By the time we backtracked & actually reached the bus station, we arrived just in time to see an arm waving quite frantically out the back window of one as it drove away. A little confused, I half- heartedly waved back thinking they must know me & after a brief look around, Liliana & I realized there were no other members of our team where we were supposed to meet. So, we caught the next bus and sure enough, when we had endured all of the switchbacks back down the mountainside and returned to the train station at the bottom of the next mountain just beside the river, who did we first see when we entered the doorway of the bus, but our friendly (and now quite apologetic) tour guide! It was his arm frantically waving when he caught a glimpse of the last two late team members as they were leaving. We assured him it wasn't a big deal & he took us promptly to the restaurant where half of the others were eating pizza. Liliana &amp;amp; I ordered & ate & we all got back on the train for the ride back to Cuzco.

"But the 8 hours of travel for 4 hours at Machu Picchu, we decided, was worth it. The only ones who didn't get to come were Ann and Liz, who were sick & Owen, who stayed back to care for them (& ended up sick as well). They were fortunate enough to use their tickets the following day (at a minor increased expense) and thoroughly enjoyed it too! That was an experience I hope not to forget. I slept for much of the train ride back & the bus ride for that matter. Tomorrow, we get to sleep in!"

Peru, August 16th- Part 1

2007-03-30T16:33:00.000-06:00

"Now it's Wednesday, Aug 16 and we are on our way to Machu Picchu. We were up at 4am again (it's getting easier to wake up this early) to get on the bus to catch the train. The bus ride there was very cold- we had on all our layers and still were freezing. I curled up in a tiny ball like the fetal position and tried to sleep since it was still dark, but didn't really.

"As soon as we switched to the train, it seemed much less cold and I thoroughly enjoyed the ride. Some of us had not been on a train before, so we were excited together. The train followed along the river for the entire duration of the ride. It was cool to watch the landscapes & the vegetation change the farther we went and by the time the train got to its destination, everything was green, tropical and lush. (A huge difference from the desert around Cusco & everywhere else we'd been.) Our team was all in the back together in one of the cars & we had a meeting & devotional time followed by prayers. It was really good and we really needed it b/c of our attitudes the night before. (Kirk led it with input from Chris N.) We just needed to get our minds & hearts right b/c of the conflict we had between each other. They reminded us that even though our time in the valley was done, our trip wasn't over & we still needed to come together as a team and keep Christ's goals in the middle & be unified & not self- focused. Without knowing it, our minds had shifted to this thinking & it was putting deviders between us. We heeded the important insight and had a great following day, enjoying each other & especially Machu Picchu. We had all been tired, so our offences were forgiven & we continued b/c that''s how it works.

"Our tour guide met us at the train station when we all got off & he was just excellent. He was very friendly & helpful and informative for the duration of the tour. We took another bus up the mountain over & the ride was only about 20- 30 minutes, but there were so many switchbacks! Part of me was thinking "This is crazy! How/Why do people drive like this?!" and the other part was saying "Well, look at this hill! There's no other way to get up, it's so steep." And it's true! But the drivers here are very skilled & the roads are narrow, so they manage to manouver these large vehicles through the trees & around the bends at speeds I wouldn't dare drive these raods at. Twice it happened that there was another vehicle on the road coming toward us & one or both of us had to back up & move right over so the other could squeeze by. I'm surprised I haven't witnessed an accident yet.
"Once we got to the "top", we went to the coat check to drop off our extra bags/ coats etc., but no one ended up leaving anything. We carried it all, stuffing it into the backpacks (and most of us insisted on keeping our outer layers on as it was still cool and clouded over). Then, the great hike began!"

Fun In Cusco!

2007-03-25T18:00:00.000-06:00

Buildings, Culture, and Ceremonies...

Fun In Cuzco!

2007-03-23T22:08:00.000-06:00

EATING...

Fun In Cuzco!

2007-03-23T21:12:00.000-06:00

SHOPPING...

Backtracking a little

2007-03-05T12:09:00.000-07:00

It's hard to include everything that happens each day because so much was packed into each one, but there are a few important things I would like to include that were not in my journal for one reason or another- and also things I have pictures for :)

Hanging out, and playing soccer.

Pastor Chris speaking at the San Luis church on Sunday, and our Saturday night game time (lots of fun!)

Playing ping pong and watching puppet plays

On Monday, a bunch of us went for a long hike up the massive hills surrounding the valley, and I must say, it was a pretty incredible view. When we got the the top of the highest peak in our vicinity, we took a rest and just stared out onto what God had made. We also made a huddle and prayed as we felt compelled, for that land, the people there and all the surrounding area. It was an experience I will not forget.

Our last night in the valley, we had a huge camp fire and sang songs, roasted hot dogs and one man told his life story. It was very long and very good. There were lots of people from around and it was the largest "event" we'd had in total. Oh, and did I mention the fire was HUGE! We had trouble raosting our dogs because the sticks were not long enough and the heat of the fire was too hot for the hands and face. But, we all had a great time eating them!

Peru-August 15

2007-01-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

"Today is Tuesday and we are all in Cuzco. We got up at 4am (the girls @ 4:30 b/c no one set the alarm!) and took our bags & got on our glorious yellow bus to Arequipa. A couple of people rode with us- my good friend Juana Rosa (seen here in the red), her esposo, Armando, & their two children, Gloria (whom Tanya had become best friends with) & Ivan (pronounced eeban) the baby. It was a little hard to say goodbye to Juana, but I'm going to send her a picture of us when I get it from Anton.

"Our flight left at 7:50 and we stopped at one other mountain town on the way so it was about 10am when we arrived. Sari had been badly sick & on the toilet this morning, but she took 2 Immodium just before the plane ride & has been much better ever since. Owen and Ann are essentially in charge & Owen had us all split into 3 groups to tour around Cuzco together. The group I'm in has Sari & Tanya, Andrew, Tyler & Liliana. We looked around shortly & then had some lunch (1pm) at a nice restaurant. Since Newman is so adventurous, he decided he needed to try something different, so he ordered an Alpacka dish and Tyler ordered a Guinea Pig dish. Us girls had other plans. We decided we needed something more familiar & maybe reminded us of home! So we all had pizza! It was good & when we were done, it came to 173 soles for all of us! Which converts to about $57 US. Then we went shopping!

"I bought a t-shirt for 23 soles, a charcoal painting for 20 soles and 3 fridge magnets for 6.5 soles. So I think so far I've spent about $16 U.S. Now, we have dropped off our things and are going back out! Good times! Good times! We have reservations for supper at 8, so that will take care of the day. I also bought a bright red colored poncho thing that seems to be a very nice cultured top that ladies would wear. Liz bought herself one (kind of tan in color) and Sarah also got her own (black with gray). I paid 25 soles (I think) for mine & I got Drake a hat! (another 20 soles). I hope he likes it. Newman was with me when I picked it out & said he would for sure... It's too big on me, so it will probably fit!

"Have I wrote yet that I miss the food back home a lot? I wouldn't have thought, but half way through last week, I really wanted a Mc Chicken and then I was telling people as soon as I get home, I'm gonna have a bologna sandwich with mac & cheese! I'm also looking forward to french toast & nachos with cheese and salsa, mmm. For supper we had everything- potatoes with that chili sauce everyone else seems to like, stuffed peppers (with ground beef and some stuff), tacoes with guacamoli, then the main course with Alpacka meat & fries, guinea pig again, grilled chicken, etc. and they all came with some kind of hot or cold vegetable & either rice or potatoes. It was a nice restaurant, but very small and we had the upstairs for our group. (You can only fit about 20 upthere.) If more than one of us were walking around at a time, you could feel it on the floor under your feet. Bill and Tyler joked that if we all jumped we would definitely land on those under us. I agree. And some of our eyes were bothering us- like they had peeled onions up there b/c they were burning. I guess scents rise like hot air too, and if they have nowhere to go, they don't. After we were all done, there was a large issue of the bill and Greg and Chris Horch hadn't even eaten yet b/c Greg forgot his epi-pen & had to go get it. Liz and Kirk stepped out for some reason, but anyways, we got the bill sorted out & went on our way. We could choose either to go to bed or look around more but I was tired, so me, Tyler, Liliana & Sari went back only to realize on the way that none of us had a key to our rooms! So we wandered around a little and then went back & sat on chouches until others returned. It was about 10 or 10:30 pm when we went to sleep."

Peru Aug 14

2006-12-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

This is an email I got to send home on Monday, and I know some of you have read it, and it's a little redundant, butI thought I'd include it for those who didn't get to read it before.

Subject: hello from Peru! Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2006 09:36:29 -0600
Hello everyone! It is Monday, Aug 14 and we are on our last day in the valley before we leave for Cuzco tomorrow. I didn't think I'd be able to communicate with you at all while I am here, so this may be the only letter you get until I return. About 10 of us just drove to the next town (Vitor) in the valley today because there are no locals to hang out with today since they are working and we are not. Here is a type of internet cafe, so we are all emailing at once! It's great! The past week has been challenging and most of us have gotten sick, but most of us are all better now, which is an answer to prayer. We have had a wonderful time being with the people here and trying to communicate with them in Spanish. Many of them just smile or laugh at us when we try to say something, but they have had great patience and want to know what we mean. The children's VBS was less organized than we had intended, but nonetheless, was successful, and I think all of the kids had a really good time! They simply want anybody who will be with them and have fun because many of their parents don't since they are always working to put food on the table. The ladies night was powerful for me because one of the Peruvian women shared her testimony and it was a hard one for her to tell and she needed to stop because she was crying. I was choking it back, since you all know me and how much of a crier I am. After she finished, I gave her a huge hug and she said ´God bless you´ and I was thinking, ´No, God bless you!´ The movie night was also really great and I hope and pray that it touched some hearts of those watching who had not yet recieved the Lord as their Saviour. Saturday, work was done early, so many of the men went swimming in the pool, and they made a good time of it with Canadians throwing in Peruvians and Peruvians doing the same to us! We all had a good laugh over that. It is not hard to see the relatiionships developing, and already, some are asking if we are coming back and when. I praise the Lord for this. Yesterday, pastor Chris preached twice- once in Arequipa (and we were very well received there), and then last night in San Luis (which is in the valley, in walking distance of the camp where we've been staying). Chris shared a big part of his heart last night with the people and his desire for the entire valley to be reached for the Gospel. He had such a longing and deep passion for them that I don't even fully understand after only a week here, but what he was saying was what God was saying to me, because I sat and cried (again, I know) for this same thing. What an incredible thing it is for people to be able to tell of God's incredible love to others. Minister to your neighbours and your neighbours' neighbours, he said. I can't fully describe the burden of love on some of our hearts here, but I'm going to carry this with me home. The world is a dark place and we ARE light who know God, so why shall the world remain dark? It shall not indeed, I say! The Word says, ´they will know we are Christians by our love´, and this has definitely spoken loudly this past week. God has already been working in the hearts of these people and we want to continue to see his work done here. Pray for the young church here that it will grow to maturity; that it will be unified and not torn apart by the Devil; that more would be added to it; that trained Peruvians will take responsibility and leadership roles to help with the minstry and discipleship. I don't know if we have ministred to the Peruvians more, or if they have minstered to us more! It's an incredible thing, this fellowship. They love us with no reason, except that we came here, leaving behind everything else in North America. They bless us in ways they don't even know, but maybe this goes both ways. :) Onto a lighter topic, all our hard work is done and the next 3 days will be for fun! Touring around and shopping. I have learned that all of us Canadians suck at bartering! They say a price, and we say ´Ok!´ The Dargatz's shake their heads... I guess we are just too polite! In Canada, the price simply isn't negotiable, but in Cuzco, it is very negotiable, and Vegas warned us that we may have to be rude, because some many people want to sell you so much stuff! I guess we'll see how it goes. Thank you for all your prayers. I could say much more, but this is long as it is. And thank you to those who wrote in my Encouragement book from HLAC. You don't know how appropriate many of the entries have been so far. God bless you all! In Christ, Carmen PS: I love and miss you Drake!

Peru- August 12- End of the week

2006-11-30T18:50:00.000-07:00

Friday swimming fun!

Saturday Morning

"Everyone got up early again @ 6:30 for breakfast and the men were working by 7am. Me, Vegas, Ann, Mary Beth & Liliana went staining picnic tables & the roof again until lunch. We almost finished what we had planned to do, but we ran out of stain! It was hard work and it was hot and I was ready to be done anyways. In fact, I was ready to be done long before we were. "

The Story

"See, Liliana & I had done one picnic table and then Ann began moving things off the last picnic table so it could be done but they asked us if we'd rather do another table or the deck around the pool. We choose the deck..." but quickly discovered it was dirty, so we got brooms to sweep it off, but to no avail. The dirt "was dried on from the children's wet feet the day before when the pool was finally open & they all got to swim. (They were very excited about that since some of them had brought their swimsuits with them everyday!) We realized we would have to wash it b4 we could stain it again, but Jim said to wait b/c after the men's work was done that morning they would be swimming. Ok, so Liliana & I" returned to "where the other ladies were still varnishing and were asked if we wanted to help Mary Beth & Ann with the table. I didn't really want to & felt as though I could use a nap but we went and helped. The thing was, I seemed to be the only person who had painted a picnic table before. They had it upside down, to reach the underside, (very good) but did all of the outermost boards first so that to get the farther boards, you would have to reach over the painted boards to get to the inner ones. Well, I can say I had a bad attitude b/c I thought to myself, I'll just paint the side & other boards and let the first two fix their own mistake- Why should I have to do it? But as us 4 went on, Ann left to do something else & then Mary Beth switched to painting the roof (as she had been doing earlier that morning) which left me & Liliana to finish the table by ourselves. This made my mood worse! The nerve! They both just left! And guess who gets to fix thier mistake- Me! I was mad! But I knew that's not what God wanted. He reminded me of what I read in my HLAC Encouragement book the day before "Never tire of doing good..."

The Men at Work

After work fun!

The Afternoon

"We had lunch & I was going to have a shower (since we had water b/c there was an annoncement a day or two earlier that we had no more water for showering or laundry), but lunch was at 12:30 today instead of 12, so by the time we were done washing dishes, it was around 1 and I had a meeting at 2 for singing in church on Sunday with Bill & whoever else wanted to. So, I took out my Bible (I needed to actually prepare for my devotional that night b/c this way my day I had signed up for), but mostly because I just needed God to work in my heart. I suppose in a way, I was loosing my own vision of why I was here. It was good, and our music practice was- ah, challenging. Not very many of us were very musical, but we could hold a melody. The men did much better than the women. Bill wanted to do an old hymn with harmony, but he gave up on that and we sang 'We Wanna See Jesus Lifted High' instead.

Random pics of mealtimes

Me and my Bible

Peru- August 11

2006-11-27T22:19:00.000-07:00

On Friday, "...I felt fine! We had been praying for all of us to get well again, so we all have. Praise you, Lord! I don't ever want to be sick like that again. We did our last day of VBS (since we cancelled Sat. b/c many of us are still tired or sick a little) and it went well." We made little tic tac containers into "Jesus shakers" and put a cross on one side and a Jesus fish sticker with the initial of our names on the other side, and of course, candy inside- good for making sound and eating! They enjoyed it.

"Yolanda and Carlos are doing the dental clinic again today & on Sat (thankfully they haven't gotten sick!)

... Tanya & I went for a walk after lunch down to the river at the bottom of the valley. It was very cool! We found this one spot where the river was rushing over the rocks and then curved around the bend & disappeared. We climbed onto a large rock in the water and sat there for a long time just admiring the view. Admiring God. We talked for probably 40 mins and then decided we really should head back, so we did.

Tanya was going to paint picnic tables, etc again with Vegas, but Vegas said I wasn't allowed b/c I was still recuperating so I rested until supper. Most meals, I have noticed, are very flavourful- nothing is bland- and sometimes the smells and flavours agree with me and sometimes they don't. We have had a good share of rice and chicken in different ways. They are good cooks. We even had cake for dessert twice! One was like a coffee cake & one was like a banana (plantano) cake. We had jello too & chicken soup one lunch when many of us were sick.
"Friday night was a movie night and there were a lot of people. First (while everyone was coming) they played a Spanish cartoon for the children & it was cute. Then, they showed the movie "The Climb" and it had a really good message about God and Salvation. (but wasn't cheesy like many 'religious' movies). After it was over, we passed around hot chocolate and snack. Then it was bed! I hope the movie made some people think."

Peru- August 10

2006-11-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

"On Thursday, I was pretty much sick all day & spent much time in bed. I had the runs like something nasty & went through a lot of liquids. Vegas said I must force myself to drink lots, so I did b/c when you're sick, you can't afford to be dehydrated. Jim and Vegas made sure everyone who was sick got a bottle of Powerade. I had 2 or 3 during the entire time I was sick (about 30 hrs). And I had to change my underwear more than once! (sorry to include that, but it can happen to the best of us). That night I went to bed with an upset stomach and sometime in the night, I went to the bathroom & had more diarrhea and then threw up in the little garbage can beside the toilet used for all the paper you don't flush. Ann went & got Vegas, but I was back in bed by the time she came. She made sure I was ok & we all went to sleep. "

(I bet you're sure happy I have no pictures to share for this one, huh?)

My Name's Car

2006-11-15T22:35:00.000-07:00

I'm a Mazda RX-8!

You're sporty, yet practical, and you have a style of your own. You like to have fun, and you like to bring friends along for the ride, but when it comes time for everyday chores, you're willing to do your part.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

http://www.tomorrowland.us/sportscar/

Peru- August 9

2006-11-10T20:22:00.000-07:00

Today we got up early again and I had my first "shower". It is cold water, so you pretty much jump in enough to get wet, turn it off & soap yourself & shampoo, then turn it on again, quick rinse & get out & dry. But it was still nice to be able to wash my dirty feet! We had los huevos (eggs) for breakfast (Yummm!) & bread buns.

Yolanda and I did the VBS craft again today- Hot Chilies! It was fun! More fun than yesterday (probably because yesterday was our first day & we didn't really know what to expect). Hot Chilies are a craft made out of celephane and candy and googlie eyes. The children started with a flat piece of celophane and had to wrap it in a way that it was round on the top with a point at the bottom (like a cone). Then you tape it to stay. Then you get to add the candy inside to keep it round (and also to make noise when you shake it) and tie it at the top with a string. After that, you can glue on the eyes and use a marker to draw a mouth & nose, etc. But the eyes kept falling off b/c the glue didn't stick very well to the celophane. Also, the children needed a lot of assistance in making the round shape. And some kids ate their candies before putting them in! That was the first group. After that, we made clear instructions for no one to eat it until later. But the craft took so long that they had no time to be bored & act up. That was great! The blue group (the little ones) never got to make a craft today b/c their leader got mixed up & they went to ride the horses during that time. Oh well.
After VBS we had lunch- papas fritas (french fries) & hamburger patties & salad. It was good!

There is a concern for some of our team members' health & some have gotten sick. Vegas and Jim are doing their best to keep us healthy though and are giving pills for upset stomach & prescribing Powerade to replenish us with nutrients & enzymes or something.

This afternoon, Tanya brought out her hemp & beads & we all started cutting strings so they'd be ready b/c tonight, the mom's & women's groups are meeting (and we thought it would be fun to teach them a new craft that they've never done before).
At about 3:30 or 4, I went to lay down because my stomach was upset & I slept about an hour. Before supper I walked around a little and felt very weak & nausiated. I went to the bathroom & threw up on the floor (just a little). Supper was starting but I went and got Ann and she cleaned it up for me! During the last hour, I cried a little. When you just need to cry, you need to cry! Maybe everything is catching up with me all at once. I do miss home; I probably have culture shock. Tanya gave me a hug & it helped. Vegas also gave me 3 pills & I am to take them every 4 hours. I am supposed to do my testimony tonight for the ladies, but I'm not sure now if I will. I am tired & want to sleep. Is that best for my body or is that Satan wanting to hinder this ministry? In the Bible it says to put your hope in the Lord & you'll renew your strength- you'll run and not grow weary, walk and not faint & as I remember that verse I think to myself, "Am I not trusting in God? Why am I sick, why am I tired?" I just really want to go home, but I really want to be here. In my encouragement book (a little compilation of encouraging notes people in my church wrote to me while I'm here in Peru), that was the exact verse that Carolyn gave me! Wow, God!

* * * * * * *

The ladies night was fun. There were many ladies (30 or 40?) and some brought their girls too young toddlers & we all sat & sang songs (Mary Beth, a missionary there from Manitoba, plays guitar) and then we got ready for the hemp-making bracelets and necklaces. It could have gone better b/c it took a long time to get all of the supplies around and then to teach them as a group how to cross and pull the strings. Some groups were like 1/3 done and others were still waiting to start. Many of them ran out of time to finish (esp. if they were making a necklace), but I think they still enjoyed themselves and enjoyed the challenge of learning something new. I made my first bracelet & finished just in time.

Then, Liz did a devotional with Ann translating on Prov. 31. It was good. I was praying that God would be touching the ladies' hearts. Then, Liz said her testimony & another Peruvian woman said her testimony with Vegas translating. She has had a hard past, quite unloving, so it was powerful to hear and she cried and had to stop at one point. I gave her a big hug after. Thank you Lord for her. She is evidence of your life changing love and power.

Peru- August 8

2006-10-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

It's Tuesday! The day everything starts. Liliana rang the big bell at 6:30am. (to wake everyone up). Right now it is 7:10 and we are supposed to have group devotions. 7:30 is breakfast and Carlos and Yolanda are wiping the tables off. The view here looks really cool with the sun up now. It's quite green down here and there are some tall trees that look like Cedars.
Lord, I just want to serve you today!
* * * * * * *
Now, it's just after supper. People are mingling and talking and I feel a great need for a nap- so I'm writting here instead. Breakfast was porridge and I ate about half of mine (I really don't care for porridge) with bun things and jam (marmalada). All jam seems to be the same kind here and it's always called Marmalada. We did the VBS this morning and it was quite something. I don't know how the other stations went, (since there were many like one for the story, one for the craft, one for the horsebackriding, etc) but I did the craft the whole time and it went pretty good. Some kids had a challenge listening to sit and then after the craft , we talked a little bit about the sunshine (that we had painted with our hands) and how it related to Jesus.

Yolanda and I did the four groups (which were categorized by age) one after another, but the last group came late and not all of them got to do the craft, (which they were upset about) because it was noon and they had to leave back on the big wagon that brought them here.

"The men all came back for lunch (our team and the locals) and we all ate together. We had squash soup (which was quite good b/c they added just the right spices). And we had rice & chicken & potatoes (pollo y papas) in a sauce.

After lunch Tanya & I didn't know what to do (b/c we were not needed to help with the dentist), so Vegas gave us a job of staining some picnic tables, and as we did, we met a new friend, Samuel, who is 25 and lives in Arequipa. He helped stain two tables, and a little guy named Jordan (Hordan) helped too. He's not that young, maybe 10 or 12? Anyways, we were ready to be done then, so we ended and I found I have a large blister full of liquid on the inside side of my thumb on my left hand from the paintbrush! It took a while to get our hands clean b/c we needed someone to find us some varisol or paint thinner to get it off. One of the older men on the camp got some and poured a little out on what looked like cheese cloth so we all got some. That was real great, b/c we really didn't want to stay that sticky! After, we went for a short walk around the camp to see more and came back for supper.

"I am thankful Lord, that you helped us make this friend. He left, but he'll be back next week. I can see that a lot of good relationships are developing with many people, and I thank you Lord. Liliana is still doing very well with her English and though she stops in confusion with strong and solid expression b/c she is thinking so hard, she keeps trying, keeps laughing and smiling. Thank- you . Her smile makes me smile. She is beautiful to me. And Lord, thank you for Tanya and Sari. I think they are doing excellent too, though they are a little shy-er to strike up conversation; this is their first missions trip and I pray that you would work in them. Lord, sometimes your vision gets me, just for a glimpse, and I really do want to cry. Oh, what incredible love! Oh, what joy! You are our hope and our only light. We are a lost people, Lord, and it is no different in any culture. I think it was yesterday, I thought to myself, if I do go on missions, I want to go somewhere that they already speak English. Then, I don't have that language barrier and can really start ministering and having deep conversations with those around me about God. But Lord, something inside changed. Perhaps I like the challenge of learning Spanish, but it would take twice as long to get to the same place but I guess then you still have developed a relationship during that time. That's important too. Lord, you know what is best and I trust you. It's not up to me anyways! You are Lord. You are King! Reign in me! Oh, for your Glory reign in me! Thank you for Anton and that he is here and growing in you. Thank- you for his devotion & personal stories. Bless him in Jesus' name. Amen.

My Journal- Aug 7

2006-10-04T21:58:00.000-06:00

0 Our team had the opportunity to meet and visit with many other missionaries this morning from all over and everyone got prayed for by someone else. It was a cool experience and I'm grateful for it.
0 "Andrew Newman shared his testimony- it was nothing flashy, but honest and transparent (as God wants us to be).
0 "Liliana is doing very well with her English and is teaching us girls more and more Spanish.
0 "Physically, I am very well today- we had a good sleep last night, Thank you Lord.
0 "We also did 'The Amazing Race' Christian style when Tina (the host) sent us in teams on a hunt to go around Arequipa in a Taxi (run by a Christian Taxi company) and make various stops and complete simple tasks..." We did this for 2 reasons: to see the city and also to practice our Spanish and bartering skills. "She was nice though. She split us up so that each group had at least one person who could speak Spanish fluently. My group was Sari, Tanya and Ann Dargatz. We had lots of fun.
Tanya got her shoes shined by a boy, I got a 'chullo' (chew-yo) hat, Sari got to send a postcard home, and we fed pigeons bird seed and all went up the steps to the top of the observation tower." (Our assignment here was to count how many steps there were to the top and we counted 103.) It went by fast and we ran out of time to feed the llama! :(
0 "Then we all had lunch at a restaurant and had..." something like strombolies. "The Triangles (in Spanish) had ham, cheese and chicken in them and I liked them the best! And we had a Spanish cola that looked and tasted reminiscent of cream soda."
* * * * * * *
"We are in the old-school yellow bus again on our way down to the valley. The scenery is like nothing I've ever seen and at some points, rock cliffs come right up to the edge of the road and you wonder if any will fall down because they don't look very sturdy. All you can see for miles and miles is rocks and sand and it is very hilly so it goes on for layers and layers deep.

"Now that we are at the camp it feels nice to be in one spot for a while. I can actually unpack and not have to repack tomorrow. I am very happy to be here and I know its going to be a great week and God's gonna touch hearts and lives. I am looking forward to the VBS feel better organized because we met tonight to go over things.

" 'God, it's all about you and I want to honour you. Help me not to be anxious or afraid but just to trust.'

"As I was writting this, a beatle bug thing came crawling out of one of the holes (in my journal's binding) and I freaked out a little. 'How long has that been there?!' and thinking 'I wonder if there's more!' As I search wide-eyed for any signs... It wouldn't bother me so much but I'm lying on my bed right now. With a flashlight because the other gilrs are asleep I think by now. I should go too. Tell you about tomorrow, tomorrow! Buenas Noches!"

My Journal- Aug 6

2006-09-27T21:42:00.000-06:00

Sunday, August 6th- Lima/Arequipa

I woke up "early (about 7 or 7:30) to go to the market with Anton and Vegas. She wanted to buy fruit for breakfast before we went to church. So, the 3 of us went and picked out many varieties. We had some familiar ones- red grapes, pineapple, small oranges and we had papaya and kiwi, some red stuff that perhaps was palmagranite, bananas and a fruit that was green , but then when peeled was white. It was sweet and had maybe only 10 large seeds, so they were easy to pick out... We also went to the actual grocery store after to get some buns (a variety again), yogurt, juice, and cheese. It was a large breakfast and then we all went off to church.

"I think it was a Calvary Baptist Church... and of course in Spanish. We arrived at 9 for the early service and were greeted warmly- a nice feeling. Actually, because so many of us did not speak Spanish, [the pastor] got a man to stand up beside him and interpret the sermon! It was good and the Pastor spoke very passionately and with much body language. It seemed long to me though, because all of us were still so tired. I really enjoyed the music and singing. They had nice harmony and I even recognized about 2 songs in English! It was great." Church ended about 11 and we all went and got our baggage "to head back to the airport for our 3rd and final flight!" Some of our team members were lucky enough to grab some food in the airport for lunch, but I wasn't one of them. "... but they did serve a small sub (turkey I think) on the plane with a drink so I was thankful for that.

"This time, I wasn't sitting close to anyone I knew, but at the end of the 1 hr flight, engaged in conversation with the gentleman on my right. He had the window seat, and knowing me, I wanted to share the view and took glances when I could. I found he spoke more English than I expected and we talked until we landed. I did catch his name- it was Luis and he works in a mine.

"The Arequipa airport is a very small one, but simple and not very crowded. We all got our bags and then waited about 1/2 hr for our bus to arrive, and what a bus it was! ... - very yellow/ orange, very old school. But it got us to where we wanted to go!"

We spent the rest of the afternoon visiting and joking a lot, did some planning and practiced our Spanish with other teammates. "Liliana is one of my new favorite additions to the team." She met up with us in Lima (where she's from) and gets to spend the next 2 weeks with all us crazy Canadians. "She is 22 and is in Seminary right now. She speaks a little English, but we've had some confusing discussions. But she keeps trying (maybe because I keep trying). It was a pleasure to be able to pray with her and Vegas (even though I didn't understand half of it) when we met together in our prayer partners."
The team was split up between 3 different places to sleep tonight and I was with Sari and Tanya and Sarah and Rob. "But we had supper all together at one house and stayed there until about 8- 8:30." On our way to our place to sleep, " we stopped at a cornerstore and had a hoot trying to communicate with the Peruvians working there. Sarah and Rob wanted to buy nuts (since they are vegetarians), but we could find none and getting their assistance wasn't working because, though they were eager, they simply didn't know what we wanted. The only thing we could find was a "drumstick" ice cream that had pieces of nuts on top." We pointed to them and asked what they were and the clerk would say something and we would continue to point and he would say the same thing and Rob was so funny because I think he thought the Peruvian was giving him the word for ice cream or something. He kept saying, "No, these" and point even harder to the nuts on top and the Peruvian probably got quite confused. But he just kept saying the same thing, like "Yes, that's nuts". "It's nuts. Peanuts." We laughed and they laughed- it was very humorous. The young man was so patient, and Rob finally decided that he was given the right word, but we still didn't get more nuts. "I bought the drumstick because I wanted ice cream anyway. Actually, each of us got something and then we continued on our way.
"Tomorrow, Rob and I will go back to the cornerstore and buy some bread for breakfast. We have los huevos y marmalada (eggs and jam) and everything. Then, we go to the camp!"

My Journal- Aug 3-5

2006-09-22T21:21:00.000-06:00

I know I am a month behind, but for those of you who are interested, I will provide some of the more important parts of my journal while in Peru. I am long-winded when it comes to journalling, I've found, so I'm trying to create a revised shorter version for your benefit. :)

I started it Thursday, August 3rd (the day before we left from Cold Lake to travel to Calgary to fly to Peru!) "I am very excited about leaving for Peru tomorrow. I have been excited for months now... I've been praying for God to work in the Peruvians hearts so they will be open to the Gospel message and also that God would work in my heart and teach me too. I'm a little scared because I feel so unprepared and I wish I had practiced more Spanish and knew the songs better and knew the VBS better, etc. I know it will all work out because it always does. I do pray for team unity though...
I packed my bags tonight and I'm a little proud of myself because I still have room in both of them for more stuff! My big bag is only 33lbs and I'm allowed 44lbs so I can add more supplies when we get to the church tomorrow. That makes me happy." That's all for today.

If I was going to comment on Aug. 4, I would have to say that I was hoping the drive down to Calgary wouldn't seem too long. But Tyler has a 20 questions game, which is lots of fun and we played it a lot on the way down in the vans. Even over the walkie- talkies! Good times."

"Today is Aug. 5 and we are flying on Continental Airlines right now." We had all gone to bed at almost midnight and woke up at 4 am to get ready "take the shuttle to the airport and get our baggage checked, etc and on the plane by 7 am take off. I tried to fall asleep again because I was so tired... and I guess I succedded because I woke up to Tyler getting breakfast beside me and realized I wouldn't be getting any because I missed the order." I was thankful to get a cup of coffee though (black, but oh well) and tied over my hunger with a couple granola bars I was carrying with me. "Thank goodness for other people's advice!"
Ironically, "both Newman's are sitting behing me (Oh brother!) and Greg at the window seat because he was very excited about flying and wanted to see." A funny tidbit: "When we were all at the airport earlier, I was in line with my bags filling out a customs form or declaration and someone came up from behind me and said, "Excuse me sir" and then "Excuse me ma'am" and I moved so they could get by. My first accidental insult since I cut my hair short again!" Jamie enjoyed my new nickname and called me Sir for a number of days after.
Also during this plane ride I met a young man named Shawn who was sitting to my left at the window. I found out he was from Houston Texas and was heading home from a business trip I think. He works somehow with Macintosh computers. The week after, he was going to Boston and then to Saudi Arabia after that! We had a short chat and I decided he seemed like a nice guy.
"We are now at Babba's Bayou City Grill for lunch in the airport (in Houston). It's nice. It's a seafood place and both Tyler and Chris are trying the catfish dinner... There are speculations as to whether they will like it... Newman is also excited about eating his Tuna Steak Sandwich. I'm not brave enough to try the seafood, so I got a Buffalo Chicken Sandwich. Tanya and Sari also passed on the seafood... Right now the men are musing over the fact that this place has a white wine with tobacco and smoked bacon in it somehow. The things people think of!"
We temporarily lost Anton, Vegas, Bill and his boys and all the Lopez's, as they ate somewhere else, but eventually found them again during our 3 hour wait between flights.
"Tyler seemed to like his catfish; Chris, I think, was disappointed (but ate most of it) and Andrew ate his tuna, but critiqued it thoroughly commenting on the marinade, the texture & flavour. I guess that's what you can expect from a cullinary student!"

* * * * * * * *
"Well, it's dinner time now..." Hooray, airplane food!- a small, but filling meal. I had "beef with pasta noodles & vegies in a gravy sauce and came with a small salad (1 tomato slice, 1 cucumber slice) and I think ranch dip, a bun & butter and a really good brownie for desert. Made you thirsty and they gave you a small drink. In this flight, Tyler is sitting on my right again and a gentleman from Japan is on my left at the window. He is travelling in Peru for 2 weeks too and going to Cuzco and Machu Pichu as well! Cool huh! We haven't talked much because we seem to be miscommunicating a lot, but we try." We were all given complimentary pillows, blankets and head sets to use this flight and "I think the team is generally less bored this time (and perhaps less tired for some reason). Lord, are you up to something?..."
Some reflections of mine of the team members:
"It's been wonderful for me to see Vegas again and Yolanda- she is always smiling with her mouth and her eyes when you look at her. I hope that Anton feels he is integrating into the group, because from my view, he fits very well."

Something productive I did:
I've been reading Tie Down the Sun a lot today (a recommended Christian read about South American culture and history). It sounds boring, but it actually was really interesting because it gave an in-depth look at the Peruvians' traditional religious thoughts and practices and elaborated on the clash of the native's way of worshipping their god with the Spaniards' customs and religion when they came over and conquered the people.

* * * * * * After landing in Lima * * * * * *

"It's technically Aug 6th now since it's 2am and we are all going to bed. Leaving the airport in Lima was the coolest experience so far because we had a 40 min. ride in a nice tourist bus to our place to stay tonight. (And of course I was staring wide- eyed out the window at everything!) The architecture here is very attractive and interesting to look at... And I saw my name! Written on a huge cement sign... Carlos said that was the name of that section of the city." It was named after a real person I guess because her first and last names were displayed, but all I noticed was Carmen; I didn't catch her last name. "Anton said he saw his name too, but in spray-painted grafitti on a wall." We also saw Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, McDonalds, Ford Mazda, Hyundai, and Kia Motors! "Oh, and a John Deere place too. All familiar things from home, so they are worthy of a note." Pretty much everything else was all in Spanish.

Some thoughts on language:
"I think the language barrier is going to get to me later, but I kind of expect that anyways."
When we arrived at the guest house, we also met Rob and Sarah Patterson there. "Our host Jen is really nice...and on our beds were set out a towel for each of us with a water bottle and a chocolate! What hosts we are blessed with!

Some closing thoughts:
When we wake up, breakfast is at 8am and church starts at 9 and then we head back to the airport at 12 for our 1-hour flight to Areqiupa. "I'm so excited! It seems so strange to finally be here. Lord, we thank you and praise you for all you have already done. We pray for your continued guidance and direction for each one of us and for the team as a whole. And Lord, again be with Drake at home and bless him as he works. I do admit I miss him because I love him so. Amen & Buenos Noches.

Peru- it's just the beginning

2006-09-22T15:20:00.000-06:00

"The Lord is God, and he has made his light shine upon us."
Psalm 118:27

"[Your Father in Heaven] causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
Matthew 5:45

"But for you who revere my name, the sun of rigtheousness will rise with healing in its wings."
Malachi 4:2

Our journey to Peru was amazing in so many different ways, I don't really know where to begin. There are a few major lessons God taught me while we were there and some of them are as follows:
1. He showed me that you can definitely love and be loved by people you don't even know.
2. Language barriers are no barriers at all if you know how to SHOW others love. Like the famous saying- "Actions are louder than words". Yeah, very applcable.
3. Our team did not bring Jesus with us there to the people. God is everywhere and he was already working in the lives of the Peruvuans long before we came.
4. If anyone plans to do anything for God, prayer is essential! Without it, we are as helpless babies battling against Satan's forces. Living for God requires communication with and total dependance on God. Nothing less.
5. One does not go on a missions trip to convert people to their religion or their God. We go to share life and love and our journey's experiences. If this proves a tool to minister to others, we jump at the chance- because everyone both needs and deserves to hear the good news about God.

You know, it's funny though, because these are all lessons that I had already learned. I guess God felt he needed to remind me of them, which I'm thankful for. When I went to Mexico in college for the same reason, God showed me these truths there too. The one I am constantly surpirised by is this:
More often than not, they minister to You more than you ever ministered to them!
Isn't that incredible?! You think you are going to a people who have nothing and are poor in so many ways and you are going to make things better, or help them somehow, and that will bring them to learn about God and how to love others and take care of themselves and their families, etc, etc. But (and its a big but)-BUT, it happens quite diffrently in reality. They serve you and love you beyond what you can even understand sometimes simply because you have left all your luxury behind in our big Land of Plenty and have gone to them for reasons they don't understand either. But they are thankful. So thankful! And it makes me want to cry...

Pre-Wedding Pics, Reception and more!

2006-09-03T22:53:00.000-06:00

Getting hair and makeup done is only the beginning!

She obviously had a tropical theme, so the tiki hut and the table center pieces reflect that. Drake adding the goldfish to each glass container (with his hand! Ewww!), and pretty scenes, decorations and smiles. The one with Dylan sticking out his tongue- well, what else is there to do when you're standing in the reception line? All the groomsmen are included too: Kevin, Jeff, Dale and Dallas, I think.
There are many more pictures, but I need to limit myself somewhere! I just love weddings!

My Sister's Wedding!

2006-08-28T23:20:00.000-06:00

July 29th was an exciting day for my family and I as we got to celebrate the love between my older sister, Candis, and Dylan Wiebe. It was an outdoor wedding and, need I say, beautiful! I had the pleasure of being her Matron of Honour, which I discovered is both a blessing and a curse! You never realize how much work a wedding is until you are the family whose job it is to make the couple's (ok, bride's) dreams come true! But, it really was a great day and we enjoyed ourselves a lot!

These are just some of the many pictures I have to share this memorable event. Enjoy!

We're Married!!!!!!

My Sister's Wedding Cont...

2006-08-28T22:50:00.000-06:00

Drake did the music while everyone walked down the "aisle".
These are the 2 flower girls' and 2 ring bearers' baskets they carried.
All the girls: (L to R) LoraLee, Tracy, Crystal and me! The getaway car! Owned by Dylan himself (it's his baby)
My parents (Doug and Deb) with the newlyweds!
Candis entertaining our grandpa, Henry Penner. The girls just chillin'!
Artistic pic...
Drake and I- the not-so-newlyweds!

A Poem

2006-07-08T19:55:00.000-06:00

Pride

I live for myself, I'm not alive

I am too selfish and have way too much pride

Don't tell me 'bout changing, or how to grow

Don't tell me 'bout God, I don't want to know

Alone let me be, and be it I will

for it's only my heart that I have to fulfill

Broken are you who can't live by your might

Selfish are you who don't choose to fight

for something I see rather than that which I feel

And broken I come before You to kneel

I give you my life, and live for you now

Lord I love you and to You I will bow

Show me to live- in You I abide

With my hope in You, God

I conquer my pride.

I wrote this poem a number of years ago when I was dealing with the war in me between what I wanted and what God wanted. There are two speakers on opposing sides to illustrate this gap in perspective. What the world says about dependance on God and what I wanted in my relationship with Him, I find are just as true now as they were then.
Prov. 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."
Mark 7:20-23 also speaks of pride, listing it as a thing that comes from within and defiles a person along with: evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, and foolishness.
1 Timothy 3:6 mentions that one who is "puffed up" with pride, falls into the same condemnation as the Devil! (for we know this was the very first sin that caused Satan to loose his place in Heaven)
And lastly, 1 John 2:15-17 says, "Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever."

The Big Bang theory works for me!

2006-06-29T23:39:00.000-06:00

So, my little world view says life is good when life is easy. I love life to go smoothly. I pray for that , in fact. But lately, to no avail. I have decided that the big bang theory works in my own life. One minute eveything is chocoate cake and great, and the next, my entire miniscule universe is spinning out of control! I hate change! I have just come face to face with that monster in the dressing room, and for me, that's a very big deal! Currently life has been, should we say, a little upside down and I feel completely overwhelmed! "Oh, so wait. God, you mean I'm not in control? What?!" And I laugh in my frustration and ignorance and I want to cry about this wretched, helpless state.
Recently, as many of you know, Drake and I moved. This, I thought, would be great, and I was excited to be living with friends from church and it would be..... chocolate cake!
There was no cake in their kitchen. In fact, I got so frustrated one day that I cried because I couldn't find the stupid can opener!!! Yes, you can laugh. But it bothered me that I didn't know. (We all know that we all know everything, I know) BIG BANG! The realization that I don't know anything and have little control over many things began to sink in as I deal with my monster called change. Adapting at will is one thing, but forced change is quite another. And as you all know, people are stubborn. "God, are you trying to tell me something?" Kinda reminds me of the Isrealites...
So, I admit my faults, and with my husband's wonderful grace and patience, I am learning to like lumpy cake. It's not so bad at all! And through talking with my good friend Crys, God has helped me to realize that the hard times are the most important times. It's like a crisis- the more He can teach and the more I learn. When things are easy and smooth, you take things for granted, you pray less, you think you are in control! Here's what the moral of the story is:
Hard times almost always reveal one's own personal character. And change comes with time, but for me, first it comes with a big bang!

Please welcome me... I have arrived!

2006-06-25T23:38:00.000-06:00

When I was born, I was a surprise! If I could talk, this is what I would have said "Please welcome me... I have arrived!" Well, it was 1981 and my momma was 7 months prego. I won't go into huge detail on everything, however, in short: my mother's doc was away and she got this terrible advice from doctor "Stupid". He figured that she was big enough and induced her labour, of course not realizing that there may have been and slight possibility that perhaps she could be carrying twins! So, there we were, Crystal first and everything was an uproar, because she was incredibly tiny (3 lbs, 5 oz)! But... 15 minutes later, Stupid says, "I think there's another one..." and SURPRISE! I was born (3 lbs, 1 oz).